YO ANY DUDES ON THIS THREAD WHO WANT TO FUCK A WEDDING PARTY MEMBER, READ THIS POST!!!

Puppies full of heroin? Now I know what I want for Christmas.

I was more trashing on her for marrying someone who is currently stuck in the doldrums of substance addiction, not trashing him for having an addiction, but I take your point.

I know that he is like 147 years old in actress years but he is an actor so he is only 52!! He’s not yet started his grey fox years! That’s a reason to celebrate!

Ah, the box. Almost as diabolical a timewasting device as the famed Fainting and Hallucinating Bush I Always Forget About About, known to humans as “catnip.”

She probably thinks it’s hot when all the rum is actually gone.

Heard might be having a gay old time but Depp looks haunted in photos. He isn’t that old, and he’s aging in actor years, not actress years. I’m stuck wondering what’s flipped his bandana.

The most common reversible cause of dementia is polypharmacy, which is just med student for “a fuckton of pills.” I hope whatever Depp is going through is reversible. Early onset Alzheimer’s actually isn’t ridiculous, given his behavior — but that would be permanent. :/

It’s pretty rich of her to construe a homeland security dude doing his job as “trying to get his 15 minutes” considering she hitched her wagon to an aging alcoholic superstar and hasn’t looked back since.

John Oliver has earned his green card at this point. We accepted him as-is and he’s turned out to be a national treasure.

The hypothetical viaduct connecting British right wing nationalist coots to American right wing nationlist coots is the cold fusion of wingnut supposition. So tantalizing, and yet no one can ever quite get it to work.

BIRD remains best, most relevant account on Twitter.

Cats are impressed by can openers and lasers. Otherwise they find all of human accomplishment pretty meh.

Piers Morgan, Britain’s most embarrassing export product.

“How come your black eye has a shimmer bitch?”

Dog is my copilot.

This is actually a French national initiative to curtail the rampant problem with snakes on planes.

“What are we doing here guys? Guys?”