The cat was busy watching all of its nine lives flash before its eyes.

Cats have a unique physics. Many, many times I have cleared a room of possible cat involvement and closed the door, only to be stealth-snuggled by the uncanny beast minutes later.

French people: still chill as fuck.

I like how you couldn’t fully commit to this joke because it would involve claiming you’ve actually tasted a Bud Light Lime-A-Rita.

I’m absolutely salivating to read this book. I can’t believe Holly didn’t sign an NDA!

All I can see is that massive plastic bra strap. Is that part of the look or is it still trashy?

Right? If my dad had a dick problem he’d die of it, and the funeral home would be the first folks to hear about it.

They’re white so they can swim.

Take the scales from your eyes. Swift is a professional Hollywood beard. She’s never been seen with anyone for anything less than major cold hard moolah. If she does date for personal reasons, it’s been entirely on the downlow.

Did I leave the oven on?

“I go to medical school.”

I had new-onset night time anxiety when I started my main psych med, Seroquel. I would have attacks of severe restlessness right when I took the pills at night.

5 star story, consider contributing to the new Jez vertical Flygirl.

That “chagrin” comes off kinda like when a middle schooler tries to toss “ergo” into a sentence.

I got the invite for my 5 year reunion and felt compelled to go. In preparation for this horrible emotional experience I called the only person I am still in touch with from high school.

I wouldn’t reach out about something so traumatic.

I think you’ll have to tell us a little more about the situation. Typically, people hold onto emotions about things said a long time ago because there’s something about their current life or psychology prevents the feelings from being resolved, or frequently retriggers them.