I commented on it when she was awake even, hard not to. Burgundy top girl had to have been bothersome to the pitchers.

I missed an entire slate of playoff hockey for my Mets-obsessed girlfriend. She fell asleep in the 11th, but I stubbornly ripped through the last 5 innings of this garbage because I’d already torched 4.5 precious hours on it.

No such thing.

Can she make it through a sentence without six desperate, overlong asides? If so, she’s probably better.

Bill Simmons is the worst writer in the world.

I only know three hardcore wrestling fans. All of them are among the most liberal people I know.

Hockey is my sport of choice, but drunk can be dicey at a game. In Nashville the beer vendors seemed to not get the memo that you’re supposed to stop serving after the 2nd intermission and I ended up having to cover one eye to watch the Preds lose in the third OT of Game 1 in 2015.

Of course, you were just talking strength.

Missed Lindros? Imagine Buff size and strength with Crosby skill. Then make him fast. What a treat.

Punters, actually. Kickers stick to Kotaku.

Buy some sort of cheap crap. I spent a whopping $3500 on a 1997 Jetta when I was 17, and got $300 to scrap it just 6 years and 50k later when the suspension was rusted rigid and the undercarriage leaks had finally produced a scent that no amount of smoke could cover. Turned that into a 1995 Subaru Legacy with 190k on…

I hear ya. Consider it a critique of delivery, not a missed joke.

But without the context of “12 quarters,” they aren’t bad numbers. I know how toast Vick is, I am a Pittsburgh-dwelling Eagles fan. But your joke was insufficient. You wanted those stars bad. You did alright. But ya wiffed a little. A good joke does not warrant a week’s worth of explaining. Hat tipped to ya.

Correct, but the numbers aren’t illustrative of that, no matter how badly you want them to be.

Oh I know, but that’s still a terrible way to illustrate an athlete’s decline. “B minus? You should have dropped out of this class weeks ago.”

Wait, he completed 70% of his passes and threw 1 INT and you’re holding that against him?

...but he didn’t...

That’s cool and al, best of luck, but the best rap album of all time is the Pimp C Atlanta interview, and any list that doesn’t contain it is lame and garbage. 98% of these dudes is cowards.

I am actually looking for other participants for my National Cigarette-Smoking League.

Actually I am pretty good, so.