Eleven-year-old me lost his shit over the SVO spoiler at the SF Car Show (35 years ago this week, cause I always remember losing my shit).

Vegetarian here. I concur, 100%. The difference is, vegetarians don’t eat meat, whereas vegans don’t mind making life difficult for everyone, including us vegetarians.

Shit you not: The only time I see them, they’re manufacturer test mules covered in camo, driving around L.A. No joke.

YOU HERETIC LIAR!

Whew. I was worried you were suggesting otherwise there for a second. This blessed canned ‘cheese food’ can, of course, fix even the sins of one’s mother’s aunts...

Afraid not. On a straight, with the room he had, there was no compelling reason (not even an un-compelling one) to move left. He simply wasn’t even slightly clear.

“That wasn’t peachy.”

“The walrus was Paul.”

I’ll get my affairs in order. You can have my cat. 

“Nick E. Nihilism”! Private equity will love it.

I have an emotional support human next to me now. Thinking of getting her one of those special “support animal” vests for Christmas.

This here. I put cashews in nearly everything I cook* for reasons not entirely clear even to me; Adding them (in anything) and stirring a bit shortly before taking the dish off the heat is how they absorb a bit of flavor but without softening too much...

I used to serve Southern tourists who loved our “kwayzadiluhs.”

Please tell me you force your parents to eat your properly-cooked veggies.

This just blew my mind. I’d not realized that before but it’s absolutely true. The exception is a decent Chinese restaurant that stir-fry’s fresh veggies quickly, over high heat, on the spot.

Are you suggesting poor quality aerosol Cheesewhiz doesn’t fix everything, including mushy eggplant, squash, or the sins of our mothers?

THIS. Mine boiled broccoli into mush, then squeezed lemon — yes, sour-ass lemon — over it. Same with sprouts and spinach. I literally devised a pocket liner to slip it into when she wasn’t looking. Kid you not.

That’s true [sad, melancholic sigh...].

An elegant, understated, normal-sized Ferrari, like the ones they used to make, without superfluous flaps, streaks, or pretend aero?

Your family has my sympathies.