Last night I showed the family the preview and they all really liked it.

So what you’re saying is that Tomorrowland is the St. Louis Cardinals of movies?

So Andrew McCutchen pays about $20,000 per month not to live in Pittsburgh?

Jesus Christ dipshit, it was a joke.

$1,500 x 2 a month = $3K. $3K x 6 months a year playing = $18K.

$1500 into his 401(k)? Dude’ll never have enough to retire comfortably at that rate.

I never understood the idea that calling a professional athlete a money grabber was an insult. Its his job. Are you a money grabbing traitor if you take a new job in the same industry for more money?

Mom tries to turn on sink.

I can pretty much guarantee that scene will be responsible for the building of two characters and the significant advancement of the Winterfell plot. After all, who likes pie?

Well, there goes my whole “Simmons to Deadspin” wish.

Oh Antonin, we can’t be together! I’m a Supreme Court Justice, it’ll never work!

Right, because having your own “retirement tour” isn’t self-aggrandizing.

“My husband can’t throw these people under the bus and catch them at the same time!”

Brady: [tosses these idiots under the bus]
These Idiots: [quickly deflate the tires]

I wasn’t content to get HamNo denied a press credential. I needed to steal his take too.

"What do they want?"