Really, the only perfect answer to this question is "Myself."

I have decent feeling in the area of my middle finger injury, though I have a dead patch on the tip of my left index finger from an unrelated knife incident. You'd think I'd learn to quit cooking, but no...

Yes, that was just it - there was a little flap of skin left holding on and that seems to be the key to letting it heal back in place. Thank god I didn't just cut the flap the rest of the way off to get it out of the way (which would have been a very ME thing to do back then) or I'd have a very oddly shaped fingertip.

I never attempted to cut off my tail to find out. Fortunately.

Hey, I partially cut off the tip of my finger with a meat slicer during morning prep, but since there was nobody else to work the sandwich line, I wrapped it in gauze and paper towels, covered it in masking tape and went back to work. Amazingly, it grew back on (I am not making this up) and to this day, 30 years…

I will need to make a special trip to visit this restaurant. They had me at "puree of sausage and lard"

Michelle Malkin. On one hand, I sort of admire her act of self-creation, how she has managed to parlay her skills into a national brand at such a young age. On the other hand, she is the worst fucking columnist working in English today.

My 11 year old has decided these idiots need a spanking. And I am hard-pressed to disagree.

There is another possibility to explain these symptoms - an explanation my wife and I have considered and accepted as true during our long and utterly inexplicable imprisonment in Philadelphia some years ago (A supposedly one year stay turned into eight years of Kafka): that the Greeks had it right and there is in…

These blast points, too accurate for Sand People.

I saw one of these fly some stunts at an air show at Andrews Airforce Base many years ago. Unbelievable - everything else in the air paled in comparison (curiously, the only thing that was comparably impressive was a vintage Corsair, which can do breathtaking things for a prop aircraft).

Oh, come on, you KNOW that was deliberate. The original allegations broke in 2005. The rest of the rest of the world may have paid little attention, but the case was huge news in Philadelphia. Not only is Tina Fey in the entertainment industry, where I am sure the case was buzzed about, but she is also from Upper…

This "Fermi Paradox" thing annoys me. There IS no paradox at all - it's a logical fault. The "Where is everybody" question presumes that interstellar communication and/or travel is possible in the first place and as devoutly desired by all forms of intelligent life as it is for us. And that's not a sure bet. There are…

The Prophesy: "Much money will be made by the director, despite his best efforts to ruin his legacy."

Hey, I just took my sons to Amoeba Music in San Francisco over the weekend and bought some CDs, my first time in an Amoeba in nearly 10 years. My 11 year old was utterly baffled and couldn't get his head around why we couldn't just do this online. My 15 year old, however, thought it was sorta cool and old school. Of…

Nothing in that man's appearance or demeanor causes me to doubt his sincerity or wonder about his mental health. Nothing.

How about weapons that are overly Baroque in design? Swords with lots of barbs and swirls or deep engraving? That thing would get all hung up in the rib cages of your enemies, like a barbed fish hook. And all that engraving is a bitch to clean, leading to premature rust on your ultra-super-hero-badass sword. Guns with…

Brevity is the soul of wit. And the original story is a good example of what might happen if a creepy ghost story were to be told by, say, The New Yorker, which is fabulously well written but has never met a four-page story that could not be dragged out to 12 pages for no particular reason. Which is to say, about a…

So when Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy referred to someone as being "merely mostly dead," they were not kidding?

Atex computer terminals in newsrooms.