Good God, more horrible costumes for perhaps the most horrible adaptation of a beloved Science Fiction novel. Ever. In the entire history of the Universe. All 13-something billion years.

"Facial intercourse" is easily the least arousing description of sex I have read lately.

Maybe that's why they evolved to fight back with tiny spiky missiles as sperm delivery vehicles. Kind of a passive-aggressive oral sex thing going on with the squid, I guess.

So the bottom line lesson here would be that it is an incredibly bad idea to give a squid a blowjob?

We learn that:

I still love my 120 gb Zune. At least the one that actually works. The other one died a quick and horrible death. But the working one is fabulous.

I am all in favor of spicing things up in the bedroom, but most of these suggestions seem to come from someone who has not ever actually had sex, or any kind of emotional relationship to speak of. Or perhaps, just perhaps, it is a fiendish plot to prevent young women from engaging in sex too early by reconvincing them…

Yes, this amount of work definitely seems like taking the rats out from the walls, shampooing them, fluffing their fur, tying a cute little ribbon onto their heads and hoping everyone mistakes them for award-winning poodles.

Come on, we straight white makes are already afflicted by being boring and generic. Now you're just piling on us.

That seems reasonable. I will try not to slight him unduly again.

Ok, fair enough. Maybe I do the director an injustice, but the movie's story and look was based on an old journal of Burton's. The drawings are uncannily like the characters that Selick and Burton later brought to life. There is an extensive making of thingy on the DVD that talks about it.

Admittedly Burton didn't direct it (he was the producer and creative godfather and it was 100 percent his vision) but Nightmare Before Christmas stands the test of time, it seems.

Plumpy Nut? I'd rather eat a big scoop of lard on a sugar cone.

This is going to sound all weird and radical, but I love the California DMV. Besides the fact that they extract a fair bit of money from me in the form of license renewals, I have never had any trouble - friendly staff, short waits, easy forms.

he's going to announced, based on the DNA test, that the Navy Seals seem to have accidentally killed a Blue Whale in the compound in Pakistan, and not Bin Laden at all.

I will not attend until they engineer a reunion of the Jimi Hendrix Experience.

Wow, if their A-bombs work as well as their rockets, we can all pretty much relax. Go ahead, fellas, sell all the plans you want to Syria and Iran.

This movie will not be a success, artistically speaking, unless at least one character takes an arrow to the knee, or at least makes reference to having done so.

Dann - April 1 is still 10 days away. I checked after reading this.

When you buy a Jeep, you know you are buying danger. But I love my Jeeps so much I can't complain. What's a little fire between me and my Jeeps?