Little known fact, verified by multiple experiments in college: if you wash down Doritos with Canada Dry Ginger Ale you will very shortly thereafter experience sharp wrenching pain in your gut that suggests you have been clubbed in the solar plexus with the metal-clad butt of some Nazi storm trooper's rifle.

I knew it would suck as soon as I failed to hear the required "of Mars" behind the name.

Even more urgent is that you avoid children's books written by politicians or spouses thereof. I am thinking in particular of the lovely collection of Lynn Cheney books that my mother in law gave to us in the vain hope of preventing her grandchildren from becoming godless libertines like their old man. Just looking at…

Seems to me that printing a photo of a corpse in a newspaper is a defensible act if it serves to illustrate an important truth - the horror of war or the toll of crime or something of that nature. But it should not be done lightly or without deep consideration. And the editor responsible should be perfectly prepared…

Wait - this makes lots of sense: If you can't create jobs, you can at least make sure that our population does a better job creating more people who will grow up to not have the jobs that you can't create.

I had a keyboard at one point that came with two USB jacks on the side. Wish I could remember the manufacturer, because it was mighty convenient. The main problem, however, was power - it really couldn't handle a lot and I had trouble transferring a lot of data. I suppose the addition of a battery or a more robust…

Honestly, were it not for the fact that April 1 is still 5 months away, I would think this was a put-on. Or maybe an Onion piece.

It isn't the bacteria that scares me - a high alcohol environment will knock most of the little bastards out. It's the effects of incomplete fermentation under bad conditions - Methanol and fusil alcohol, both of which can be pretty nasty in higher concentrations. Methanol is particularly a problem in distillation…

The stuff they are publishing is both juvenile and offensive, particularly targeting specific students by name, and it generally makes me mad since it gives actual journalistic type people like myself a bad name. I hope these kids grow up and out of it before they do any more damage to their targets.

Keeping quiet while nodding sagely has gotten me through many otherwise completely incomprehensible situations.

Maybe we should crust the satellites in tiny little pumps so if they fall from space and land in the water, they will make no splash, like Olympic divers made entirely of platinum.

Hm, a hull crusted in tiny pumps spewing out water at variable intensity. Sounds extremely inexpensive. So maybe we can toss an extra billion or two on top of the $9 billion-a-pop tab for a shiny new Ford class aircraft carrier. And then we can coat the flight deck in platinum to give it a little bling factor.

What's impressive, however, is that he was also steering with his wang at the time.

It was AIM that taught me that I hate instant messaging/live chat more than nails on a chalkboard (remember those?) and moved me to figure out, on every possible program, how to log on without showing up as "online"

Just so long as Mt. Everest doesn't show up as a fucking Foursquare location. I have no interest in who is Mayor of Mt. Everest today.

This is the sort of entrepreneurial spirit that will help us compete with the Chinese and Indians in the 21st century. Why are we punishing this poor young man, particularly since he had a 4.54 GPA?

Only a matter of time before the creatures have a reality show. "Titan Shore." "The Real Housebugs of Titan." Something like that.

@afraidofauntieem: My first car was a 1980 Pontiac Phoenix, with a manual transmission no less. It was the most comfortable car I have ever been in. So I could sit in splendid comfort while I waited for the tow truck to come haul me to the garage.

@Novaload: Bonus!