Of all the garbage takes I’ve read on Splinter (and there are so many to choose from!), this is hands down the worst. So congratulations, I guess.

People crapped all over Biel’s performance in the Illusionist, but I thought she held her own pretty well against some real heavyweight actors. Also, OMG I LOVE THAT MOVIE SO MUCH.

Think about how we’re not seeing the young children or the girls. Then think about how young children and girls are more prized by potential adopters than boys. Then think about how much money is in the American adoption industry.

And the “Boo!” crone from The Princess Bride. They can tag team.

Ummm, no? He’s pretty well known for his progressive politics.

You might even say they’re feckless.

If you have time for it, I’d recommend taking a spin over to Nova Scotia while you’re there. It’s beautiful here!

HMS Pinafore played an integral role in the Simpsons episode referenced in the OP.

“Haha, those wacky foreigners - who can tell them apart?! And that funny sounding name sure is hilarious, amirite?”

I’m confused. Is this supposed to be... satire? Because if you actually don’t know who he is, I need to ask what kind of energy efficiency you get in your house under that rock.

First of all, you have no idea of someone’s inner demons just because you saw them on TV. Fuck this “he had it all” shit. We don’t know that.

Just when I had nearly managed to forget the Larry fucking Kudlow was the NEC Chairman...

I once had to fire someone over pooping.

But, but.... how could I possibly be expected to vote for the better candidate when she didn’t come to my state to visit meeee?!

Hey, this is America. We speak English here.

I feel like you’re making a bit of a leap in assuming he actually has a dick.

You sweet summer child.

You are not a hobo. It’s not believable that you’re a hobo so you should just save your fingers.

I don’t know how she ended up with dumpy-ass Family Circus Dad.

It’s a pretty well known historical fact: http://www.historyplace.com/worldwar2/riseofhitler/trial.htm