Also, fuck rose petal lady. That’s just some passive-aggressive, “I will create trivial tasks that require the ‘little people’ to pay attention to me and make me feel important” bullshit right there.

The secret is probably lemon juice.

You’re positively overflowing with the milk of human kindness.

I would not have done so because that would be teaching the old fart that endless complaining will eventually get you what you want

what are the odds that you want to eat that shrimp and cocktail sauce?

There may have been a very poignant reason why that woman was dropping different colored flower petals.

Sounds cool, but I’m not buying it. Most cars will not even engage reverse gear if moving forward at road speed. There’s a feature called ‘reverse inhibit’ that’s built into transmissions to prevent just such an accident. And if you do manage to muscle the gear shift into reverse, the car will likely just stall out.

Scalia and Thomas need to die in a fire, like, today.

My company has a sundry store. At first it was mainly for stuff like Advil and Tums and band-aids, but it gradually morphed into a candy and junk food store.

No doubt! My office machine only has Snickers and M&Ms. I’d possibly kill for Peanut Chews.

In my office, anyone who calls anything the *something* ‘of death’ is asked to go work outside.

What, no love for Peanut Chews or Pop Tarts?

Speaking of hateful idiots, are you reading all these anti-McFarlane comments? It’s like every hateful idiot on earth has shown up to weigh in. Ugh.

Especially when you’ve formed that opinion before ever seeing the thing you’re trashing, er, I mean ‘reviewing’.

Oops. While you weren’t looking, baseball went global.

If Diddy’s kid didn’t totally suck at football, things may have turned out differently.

A complete waste of 7 minutes.

Meh. Unless she’s doing an Idiocracy sequel, I have no interest.

I not only brush and floss in the shower, I also shave in there.