If I ever become a cranky old piece of shit when I get older, I'm just glad I don't have kids to make uncomfortable with my increasingly-strange political beliefs.

He doesn't understand the deal with them!

I once had that song stuck in my head for almost a full week!

Her next teaser should be her hiding under a cardboard box.

I choose to believe she's on of the shittier trolls on this site, whose everyone comment is about how dumb we are.

Well, I can tell you my shtick was HILARIOUS twenty years ago.

They can't…. uuhhhhh… no. Yeah. They can do anything.

You'd think just by seeing his face it'd really make the whole experience thereafter really shitty.

As a 31-year-old, I want to go home! I'm hungry!

Ugh, I got drunk as shit one time and raided a hotel mini bar and woke up with the fear of someone who did something TERRIBLE, like ran over a kid or something.

I'm still working on hitting my goal! Getting closer and closer before the damned end of the world tomorrow!

I can't determine which scene is more emotional: Tom Hanks losing Wilson or Danny DeVito losing rum ham?

What's the deal with these corn nuts?

I'm still working on mine. Jesus, I wish I'd planned this better.

I know Shearer's been checked out of the show for years, but in the golden age it's incredible just how GOOD he is during so many of his readings. Just fantastic stuff.

I would watch that, though!

Right? It's just, "Billy, I'm concerned," this, and, "Billy, this isn't healthy," that!

It's like they took a formulaic "beginning of a star" script and just slapped Morrissey's name on it without changing ANY of the template to fit his personality.

Look, I know Wonder Woman was a huge hit because it had heart and all this… but we got to thinking and we're going to go with, "Darker, edgier."

Whose car obsession is lamer? Seinfeld's or Leno's?