Everyone else in your basement would be torn apart by your impression of a baby ox.

Make this a national holiday!!

I wanted to see Aladdin and all those movies from around that time, and man, when Disney says they're closing the vault, they're closing the goddamn vault!

I bought The Little Mermaid used on DVD from Amazon and I went with the cheapest one with the cheapest shipping—I did not have Prime at the time. I forgot I'd bought the goddamn thing by the time it showed up. The package itself looked like it'd seen some shit, dude. It did not have the box to house the DVD, rather…

And I love you, Dr. Nick.

Yeah, so instead Disney pretends we give a shit about, I dunno, fucking Oliver and Company or something.

"Oh, hey, crows from Dumbo."

Getting their newer stuff on Netflix is pretty nice, but most of the older shit they put up is… not good. Like, what, no Aladdin? No Lion King? So, it's kinda sad to see their stuff go, but not really.

Okay, I had no interest in this at all, but I am happy to find that Neil Marshall is directing it! I still think the movie sounds unnecessary, but I'm glad he's getting work! I love that guy. The Descent is one of my favorites.

I wonder how many times that exact thing has been said to a family member on Facebook, participants unaware they're basically riffing on the Simpsons.

If Kinja ends up being as bad as the naysayers believe it will be, I'll just hole up at the AVC After Dark.

If liking puppies over kids makes me racist, then I guess I'm just a big racist!

I'm not sure that Anne Burrell qualifies as a hipster. I mean, yeah, she has stupid hair, but…

The world is, uh…. in danger again? That's cool, man. I'll get to it.

I was in London last year, went to a convenience store, and my favorite was that they're called "Lay's" in America, but apparently called "Walkers" in England. It says a lot.

You know what you need? A little comic strip called Love Is…. It's about two naked eight-year-olds who are married

This friend of a friend, I found, had a really stupid blog about her adventures in dating. I read it and it was pretty clear that she was a fucking douchebag, but kept making it seem like everyone else she met up with was inconveniencing her. You know what, then, lady? Stay the fuck inside. Apparently, no one is…

The worst date I ever went on that was my fault for it being awful was this girl who loved ice skating… I'd never done it before, being a bumpkin from the country, so I surprised her with a day at the rink. I figured my noviceness on the ice would be cute. I fell on my goddamned neck. I encouraged her to keep…

Good god am I glad I don't have to go on dates anymore. You have to put yourself out there for people, and people are the fucking worst. I've been on so many bad dates—bad dates where the person I'm with is just terrible, or dates where for some reason I forgot how to be a human and I answer every question…

He learned nothing from that i-juh-wanna.