As a 90s kid who never had cable, I feel like I'm a man without a country.

THEY'RE ON YOUR DINOSAUR!

Whenever a bizarre article like that comes out, I just assume the writer slept through a deadline and had to make some shit up quick.

*considers*

I want a new Walking Dead spin-off to take place in Phoenix, AZ, where everything's pretty much normal because it's summer and the zombies don't get far before they swell up with gas in the July sun and explode.

When you see them in Alien and they've died from some tragic accident, it's spooky as fuck. When they same thing happens in Prometheus, it's like, "Man, they need a safety manager or something." When they're ALL DEAD in Alien: Covenant, then it's like, Jesus fucking Christ with these idiots.

"Morrison describes Arkham Asylum 2 as an outrageous, Luc Besson-esque sci-fi thriller set in a future timeline…"

The Space Jockeys accidentally kill themselves yet again in another part of the universe.

I watched it way after everyone else did, but I remember when it was airing, a lot of people were really confused by the show. Like, asking questions the way people did with LOST, so I was like, ugh, is it gonna be one of THOSE kinds of shows?

Uhhhh cumin is a SPICE that smells a lot like b.o… so, Sean Spicer stinks? Like cumin?

Dude, did you see Jurassic Park? It was pretty awesome!

I remember back in the day my friend told me, man, you gotta play Mario All Stars on the SNES because you can go back to previous worlds after you've beaten them and beat the first ship wearing a frog suit without getting damaged. I did. It was a pain in the ass, but I did it. All that ended up happening was the…

Not even with Trump's dick, buddy.

♪Dippin Dots are Painless♪

Yeah, but I got much entertainment in my life from convincing friends to lick the wrapper and stick it to their forehead.

Its name, though, is a remnant from a weird time when a lot of places were opening up that were vaginal, for some reason. Like down the street was a place called "The Pink Taco," which… ick.

Actually, yeah! I haven't been there in years, but I remember it being pretty good.

There's a local chain called "The Gelato Spot" or the "G" spot (ha ha ha) but the bottom of the ice cream cone in the logo is vibrating and there's liquid that's clearly squirting around it.

Can we stop at Flickey's?

"Obama likes elitist condiments like the limousine mainstay 'dijon'. Meanwhile our president is a real man who puts ketchup on a leather shoe that used to be a steak!"