Working together for a collective good and eliminating world hunger by eliminating money is for pussies! I'm all for war, people starving to death and feeling superior to those that I allow to die through indifference!

I know this is really, really low of me… but he's also the dumbest-looking motherfucker on this planet. God, he just LOOKS dumb. He smiles the way someone who doesn't know how to do basic things would smile. Instead of widening his lips, he sneers his upper lip into his nose and shows off those huge fucking teeth…

What fucking kills me is the "free market" dumbasses who don't seem to mind that by keeping, "duh, the got-danged gubmit" out of their internet, it allows private companies to charge them up the fucking ass.

It might have been me! Phoenix is the place where the rejects from other cities live (that definitely includes me), and I kind of liked that about it… there was a solidarity in it. But that identity is gone. I just need to get the fuck out.

Right across the street from me was a cool beer and wine store, a coffee shop that'd been there for eons, a salon, an art gallery and a dance studio. They're gone. So now it's like, the assholes moving in who are paying $350,000 to live in fucking PHOENIX of all places, where are they going to go? What places will…

I usually am, too, so I was so surprised when I found the Amazon pilot to be so… I dunno… joyless! If there was more to watch, I'm sure I'd have enjoyed it better, but it definitely needed more Tick.

I've never been to Amsterdam, but Phoenix does actually have a lot of cool, really weird places you wouldn't expect… although I imagine, one by one, they'll close down.

It's about a lumberjack who becomes a serial killer in a bizarre twist.

I'm trying to transfer to LA. I'm originally from Southern California and, man, I miss it so much sometimes.

I liked the live-action Tick from years ago, just in terms of goofy humor. If someone doesn't dig it, I understand. It's not the cartoon, but I enjoyed it on a personal level.

I applied for a new position at my job and my "interview" was a 15 minute phone call and I was sure I didn't get it, but yesterday I got the call and the position is mine. I was fucking aghast. I couldn't believe I got it.

That whole clan have the most fucked up genes. Eric and Trump, Jr. both talk like they've had a sinus infection for ten years, and Melania looks like a cat doing the flehmen response after smelling someone's socks.

In my own personal hell, Jay Leno's car show will air right before The Apprentice.

Sorry.

I believe that level of wordplay is too sophisticated for Trump. I feel like he'd leave "Clay" as "Gay" for almost a full minute before deciding against it and posting his bullshit pun-free.

"Losing dems think eating borscht is treason! Wait til they find out I sold Putin security access!"

If the GOP is the party of American values, then yes, making fun of disabled people, bragging about sexual assault, jerking people's arms out of their socket to prove your tiny dick isn't also syphilitic, and calling for your political opponent to literally be sent to prison is just the way things are done!

Oh, shit, it's Prime Day! You can get two boxes for $19.99!

Put those away!

Travis Barker is really into Jesus, but he survived a plane crash in the craziest way possible, so who am I to judge?