"Why do people keep thinking I have integrity?!"
-Ted Cruz

"Now, when I say, 'Hello, Ms. Griffin,' and press down on your foot, you smile and nod."

"Look, people threaten the president, it's what they do. If we took every threat against Obama seriously, we'd get nothing done."

What can't Bill Russell do?

DickAssholeButkus hahaha

It's not even clever! It's not any sort of wordplay… it's just there. Fuck that guy for being an idiot, first of all.

"As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a CNN reporter…"

"I'm picturing Kolchak as wrapped up in scarves, hats and rings…."

I would have also accepted "This summer, PCH means Pacifier Coast Highway…"

Now let's all forget our troubles with a big can of Pepsi cola!

It's really good, it's just brutal as fuck and committed to the horror of war as opposed to the bonds of friendship and all that.

I remember when The Pacific first came out, I was expecting Band of Brothers, but in the PTO instead of the ETO. It's…. not. It's a great show in its own right, but holy fuck does it not have the sentimentality of Band of Brothers at all.

I'm an unapologetic lover of Forrest Gump. It's corny, manipulative and gaggingly sentimental… and I adore it.

How was your Fourth of July?

What information has he leaked about Donald Trump? None. Fucking none.

Oh, FUCK OFF, you long-winded moron.

Hannity is just such a fucking moron that he thinks that dijon mustard is for people who drive in limos and shit like in the commercials for Grey Poupon. Little did Hannity know at the time he was criticizing Obama's mustard choice, he'd have to defend Trump's decision to eat steak like a five-year-old.

Isn't it about time for Julian Assange to fuck right the fuck off, already? Remember when he was considered, until pretty recently, to be a fucking "hero" of some sort? So, he basically only leaks information to further a conservative agenda. Fuuuuuck him.

*considers*

MY FUCKING HEAD EXPLODED!!