Why does everything have to be so jokey with you?

Every day I witness something that makes me think, "Holy shit am I glad I don't have kids."

Sorry, "Youse guys."

Didn't Facebook say they were doing this and then just never did it?

I was thinking more of a "Mambo No. 5" kinda thing.

Melania: How do I…?

Jay-Z's, "Did You Remember to Get Bread" was particularly ominous.

Do Beyonce and Jay-Z talk, or do they communicate via album?

How can you people have never seen "Spaced" or "Shaun of the Dead"?!

Tagline: "When a snowflake's safe space is invaded"

Not that I think Ant-Man is terrible (I actually liked it in its current form), but I can't help but think of Alejandro Jodorowsky being so fucking happy when he saw Dune and it was terrible. He went in all dramatically, having to be propped up by his family, staggering with depression, and as the movie went on, he…

I hope he got fired for that blunder!

Didn't she also spit chewed-up food into her baby's mouth or something?

No, wait, it is loooove!

It's a nice break from his, "I hate this website" shtick.

Just wait until they're not famous anymore. Then they'll have sex tapes.

It's just frowned upon by 99% of society.

None of this makes sense. It doesn't make sense to be like, "You know what? I like this one musician… but I'd like them in shirt-form better if one of those Jenner girls was slapped on top of it." What is the message of these shirts? Is it art? Is it trying to SAY something? Like, the only thing I can make out…

It can be two things!

"Ozzie-Ghost, did you drink all my booze and smoke all my weed?"