Back in the days of VHS porn, my buddy strategically replaced the label of some Marilyn Chambers Presents tape with a Sesame Street label, like the Best of Bert and Ernie or something so he could have it in the back of his closet and not have it look like porn. One day he told me he came home and his mom had donated…

Nothing But Trouble is not "good" bad. It's fucking awful.

I don't know, I automatically have to deduct a letter grade from any movie where the "voice of reason" for a generation is played by Denis Leary.

It's actually a peninsula.

*Studio glances at room months after the incident*

I saw the first one and can't remember shit except some Black lady sacrifices her life for that yuppie white couple for some damn reason, but didn't that one explain how the doll got evil? Satanic hippie cult blood in its eye or some bullshit? I can't remember. I was pretty hammered.

Spicer: Oh, I can't believe I got fired!

I can't help but read that in Harvey Keitel's voice.

If I'm remembering correctly, the guy who dresses as a Nazi and anally fists people is just a rumor that the hicks of the town dream up and then the owner of the bar, a straight guy who never intended it to be a gay bar, but that's just how things worked out, is like, "I've never seen anything like that here."

I don't miss a new discussion on how that movie was brilliant multiple times per day. "These credits are incredible! They scroll down, tell me everyone involved with the movie's production, and are accompanied by music!"

One thing I've learned is to never suggest a drunk person go to bed. I don't know what it is, but you'll never see someone so angry.

In the movie's defense, that kid was really annoying, so everyone was on the Babadook's side. When you do it, it's Thanksgiving and you've had too much to drink.

Hey man, you ever been to a gay bar on a themed night? Satin pants and eye shadow would be conservative attire on some evenings.

Well, okay… if it's fun. I'll take $1,100 worth.

I haven't, but I like the name.

I think I'll be around for the Fourth!

What pisses me off about Jill Stein is that she shows up to talk all this shit on everyone, even Bernie Sanders, and she disrupts a bunch of shit, she's also very close to Trump on a ton of stuff like Brexit, and where the fuck is she now? She has no interest in ACTUAL politics, only in showing up every four years to…

I want Barack Obama's birthday to be a national holiday. I mean, yeah I like the guy, but we have the same birthday and I'd like to just have that day off of work for the rest of my life.

I can't remember what I needed to get, but I found myself at THAT VERY WALMART maybe a year or two ago. Whatever I needed, I decided, wasn't that important because I said, "Fuck this," and abandoned ship and just went home. All I remember is that doing that was worth it.

Well, let's just face it, if you didn't vote for Hillary up against someone like Trump, you're probably a misogynist. On account of Trump admitting to rape and stuff.