The two-part premiere and the two-part follow up were, to me, four incredible hours of television. These last two episodes I still very much enjoyed, it's just three and a half goddamned episodes of seeing Cooper mumble something like, "…the papers," or "…the red door," is trying my patience. Like, what is he gonna…

"They're mentally ill!"

Basically, whatever Muslims do that white American Christians can't stand, there's a prevalent and popular Christian version of it.

Are you also one of those guys who goes, "Mike Pence has borscht once! Better lock him up!"?

One of my favorite things about Broad City is its self-awareness, like Ilana acknowledging what people have said about her penchant for cultural appropriation, and she takes it with dignity and nods and agrees, but when it's suggested she get off Grindr since she's not a gay man, she bursts into tears and pleads, "I…

Remember when the hardcore Bernie supporters lost their shit after that appearance, though? "This isn't fair!" or they'd be called out for, I don't know, not supporting their own candidate of choice? Something about media coverage. I'm not sure I followed the ire.

It becomes really, really predictable, too and takes forever to pay off. In one episode, Tom Sizemore is like, "Are you calling me a liar?!" and you know he's going to be proven, by the "Being There"-esque Dougie-Coop, that he is in fact a liar. This is not proven until midway through the next episode.

Just because you're only a five-calorie-per-serving condiment doesn't mean you get to be all judgey!

The Dougie-Cooper thing, at first, I loved it. Totally in line with zaniness of the show and everything. And I get it. I totally get it. He spent 25 years in the Black Lodge. Dude’s not going to be normal. He just won’t be. And the Bob-Cooper seems to be fucked up from the return, too, speaking very, very…

The Planet Fitness I go to is right next to a Goodwill and a Little Caesars. It's not great. But they have exactly what I want, nothing more. They have treadmills with little TVs and weights I can lift.

If it helps, the book wasn't very good and I'm still fat.

And as someone with no knowledge of how science works, I say we're just not trying hard enough!

Fuckin' ghetto-ass Planet Fitness.

A chubby writer.

I saw a commercial for "Soylent" when I was watching Simpsons World or something and I was like, "Wait… isn't that people?" Is the company in on the joke, or what?

I have weights at home, actually, and I love 'em. I love lifting weights, but I got sidetracked with a book I wrote and now that it's done, I don't have an excuse not to work out anymore. Lousy excuse! Can't keep me from doing a thing anymore!

I think I had this thought while either high or just spacing out in the shower one day, I can't remember which. But I was thinking about how, with all the technological advancements we've made, it's weird that we're still relying on such a wasteful source of energy for our bodies as food. Huge swaths of land are…

I joined a gym yesterday! I ran!

It's Rape Week here at the A.V. Club…

Can I be the new CEO? I have no CEO experience, but I've gotta be a step up, right? I'll just collect a paycheck and not say horrible, stupid things.