All these guys had to do was not be awful, evil people… and everything would have been fine.

Netflix has never gotten me, man. Whenever I see its recommendations to me, it makes no sense. "I thought you might like this thing with a 56% match to you…" Or, "Perhaps you would like Fluffy's stand-up comedy special that he's not even in, he just presents it!" Like, when have I ever expressed interest in such a…

I choose to believe that you, too, were smoking a lot of weed, playing Super Smash Bros. and listening to Ege Bamyasi when you were 19.

"Webster's dictionary defines 'vigilante' as—"

You're always trying to get me to kill myself with you, apples!!

I like House of Cards for what it is: A show I watch out of context every couple of years with a group of people who love it and I try to figure out what's going on and wonder if the show is a dark drama or is, in fact, a deadpan spoof on modern serialized television dramas.

Nope! You don't get to pretend the ninjas didn't happen! You don't get to ignore the zombie subplot and hole to nowhere subplot that went nowhere! If I exist in this world, you too have to acknowledge the sudden reappearance of the Punisher at the end, out of fucking nowhere, with a sniper rifle. You have to be…

It was okay. Season three, to me, felt like a lot of their jokes fell flat. It was still damn pleasant.

Strong as hell?

I had no idea who they were before the sexual assault charge and I'm fucking sorry I know who they are now. A basic-ass, white-as-fuck, generic indie duo slathered in paint. The only thing more obnoxious than them is how they've reacted to the scandal.

"He's giving Infowars a WH press credential. Many don't know him; our job is 2 shine a light."

I never go to play the original so I'm looking forward to this. Hopefully they put the original on the Playstation Store like they did with FF7.

Did she ever buy one of those McDonald's Flintstones glasses?!

I like the long version of the song where he's like, "Hey, have you seen my keys?" and she's like, "No, I haven't" so he says, "You were the last one to have them," and it goes on like that.

I remember that the CGI used for the Wolfman made him look like a hairy, weightless balloon.

"That's just the way it was!"

He has the dark eye makeup Batman has to apply before donning his cowl.

I feel like, also, films were just more diverse not even that long ago. I was watching the original "Crow" film in the theater and I was like, holy shit, the main character is of Asian heritage, his cop buddy is Black, that cop's boss is Hispanic and no one at the time made a big deal of it. It was just a thing. I…

Crumpsby, the fat, blind rapist president.

It's astonishing to me how many people keep being like, "That's just how it was back then."