“The real question is, WHAT ARE THOSE?!”

I saw it yesterday. It was amazing. There aren’t any huge surprises and the actual plot is fairly generic, but both the acting and the action elevate it into astronomical heights. Michael B. Jordan as Killmonger is amazing, but my absolute favorite is definitely Letitia Wright as Shuri. She gets all the best lines.…

Personally, I would be willing to do almost anything for enough money.

We all know that the first thing Greg Gutfeld does when confronted with an armed attacker is shit his pants, then his nose instantly begins to run, he starts to cry and he begins sobbing for his life.

Incredible isn’t it. The gun manufacturers, gun nuts, and those who rely on them to maintain their elected offices are completely willing to ignore the evilness of the status quo and keep the total burden on the rest of us to no be gunned down. I heard someone on the news talking about bulletproof whiteboards that can…

Random pills and Florida are usually not a good combo!

Fox. It’s pretty amazing that there’s an entire network office building filled with so much stupid on-air talent.

Wait, wait, wait. So, you don’t learn Hadouken in your class?

Extra credit!

Clearly the answer lies in ninjitsu and the application of throwing stars.

Oh great, now they’re going to want to give our kids red pills that probably aren’t going to be covered by my co-pay....

We could also issue each child a steamroller. Those have also proven effective against guns.

We were learning MCMAP (the Marines Corps’ cardio/hazing/fighting system) when I was in the Marines and someone foolishly asked our instructor, who was a skilled hand to hand fighter and had studied a number of other martial arts, if he had ever used MCMAP in combat. “No, that’s dumb, because I have a gun in combat.”

Wait, you mean the world doesn’t work like Dragonball Z? Why have the fine people at Funimation been lying to me all these years?

Clearly, we need to also provide our children emergency rolls of toothpaste to make the difference:

Something like this actually came out of a pundit’s mouth while companies are making and actually selling bulletproof backpacks for kids. Now more than ever, I am absolutely convinced that reality somehow split off and we ended up in a idiocracy-style comedic parody reality.

As someone who’s done Kav Magra and is friends with the guy who trains marines to in Georgia, I have to say this is the dumbest thing I have heard on fox (this year...I won’t go as far to say ever) and that’s saying something.

Hand to hand combat. As a defense against a shooter. Riiiiight.

How did all that training work out for this guy?

I could take out Greg Gutfeld with an arched eyebrow, but he thinks kids should be trained in ka-ra-TAY to get to fifth period biology.