The A.V. Club

I bought tickets for this tour on October 17, 2014, for a show on September 25th, 2015. I spent almost an entire year periodically remembering I had tickets to see the Who. And then, after a year of this, they announce a week before the date that the show is cancelled. Now it's supposedly May 17th, but at this point…

As a vegan, I'd rather they show it. I'm tired of people who eat meat acting grossed out when they see slaughter footage - like, where do you think that food comes from? We're so disconnected from how we get our food. I don't need to hear "vegetarian is Indian for bad hunter" one more time from someone who buys their…

Cornfed applies to livestock, the thing farmers tend. It's not meant to literally mean they eat corn.

I thought I had mono once for an entire year. Turns out I was just really bored.

"I was at the World Trade Center and so was my wife!"

And then turn off notifications.

Don't… praise… the… biracial… comedian.

The difference between trying one out on twitter vs the road or an open mic is that twitter is a permanent record, while those toss-off jokes from some club in Peoria will never be heard again. Trying out new material on twitter is like putting out an album of new jokes and seeing how many people buy it. It's there…

I'm assuming PeepingTorgo hasn't heard any of the other 70's artists the article mentioned, so you can take this as your primer and get to listening to Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and Merle Haggard.

Tramampoline! Trabopaline! Saxamaphoooooone… Saxamaphooooone….

Holy shit, A-Aron is Andre from Mulaney.

See also, "rebroadcasting Major League Baseball with implied oral consent". Full stop. You do not need to explain the joke further.

We had this weird exercise where to learn the lengths of notes, we'd all say, "quarter, quarter, quarter, quarter, half note, half note, hold that whole note". But since we were Californians, we'd say "quarder quarder quarder quarder" and he'd interject, "No! It's quarTer quarTer quarTer quarTer," really…

Me and Bobby McGee
Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys
Pretty much every other country song ever written.

But I'm also here to talk about Sprint.

I went with clarinet as well. My dad played saxophone and clarinet and asked if I wanted to learn to play one so he played both of them for me and in probably the pussiest moment of my young life, I went with clarinet because saxophone hurt my ears. Our 5th grade band teacher was missing several fingers and would…

They're really sticking it to that Spiro Agnew guy again. He must work there or something.

Blues is just folk music stolen from white people.

Straight from the Family Guy "I remember that" school of comedy.