I found out our manager keeps a Trumpy bear in his office. Imagine a teddy bear that’s only purpose is to upset people. That’s like, the exact opposite of what a teddy bear is supposed to do. 

I mean, I don’t know if I could make the case that “humans have been civilized to the point of losing sight of our true strength” while wearing a little plaid scarf, but this sailor did. 

Right?  “Maybe he was too drunk to drive, so the car was saving him!” is pretty comparable to “maybe he was too drowsy so the car just let him take a nap.”

The Trump Organization only has like 12 employees, so you think Donald calls his company a small business on anything other than tax forms?

Bullshit, Samantha. An obese, elderly man who’s afraid of stairs sure as hell ain’t hopping.

I used to work with a guy who taught concealed carry classes, and he was adamant that he needed a gun “to protect my family.” Dude weighed 400 pounds, couldn’t run at all, and died in his sleep a few month ago in his 40s. I have no idea what’s “protecting his family” now. Having a gun is the laziest, easiest way to…

Chucks have a hard sole with no real arch support.  They’re terrible for things like running, but they let you plant your foot flat for things like lifting heavy weight.  

In every Sophie article, she immediately gets a shitty hot take from a burner that she elevates to top comment. One of the io9 writers used to be real bad about this too. It’s like “lol, trolls are funny and will drive clicks” is their whole strategy here

I separated from the military in 2014 and I got to tell you, if this was ANNNYYY other agency they’d have vets marching straight to their door when they EAS’d. A federal job that’s taking everyone who applies? They could set up shop in a Transition Assistance Program classroom and probably meet their numbers in a…

I bet his new plan is to let Nancy go to Afghanistan, then shutdown the government while she’s gone and hope she can’t get back. 

For the first two years, the Senators and Congressmen from Arizona, Texas, California, etc shut down any talk of a Wall(!) because their states depend on trade and they knew it was a stupid ass idea to rile up Okies or other Midwest trash who’ve never left their home states. Then Trump realizes “oh, the electorate…

Well, feel free to stop giving this “service” of helping us here any time, Blown. 

Trump’s favorite movie is Bloodsport, and he still makes an aide fast forward to watch just the fight scenes.  No way did he sit through No Country for Old Men.

Maybe that’s how Melanie Trump came to this country. 

Yeah, I bet your premiums really spike when your HMO marks you down as being highly likely to need treatment for polonium poisoning.

Bush went from a 93% approval rating to reviled by his own party once he was no longer useful. Trump hasn’t got anywhere near the amount of goodwill and accolades Bush (rightly or otherwise) received. I hope he lives long enough to see the people who were cheering for him denounce him.  I hope he dies angry and alone…

“He hasn’t paid taxes for 20 years.” “—THAT MAKES ME SMART!”

Fred Trump was a well-known piece of shit back in the 1950s, so I have no problem believing someone would write him into a TV show as a conman, or that they’d cast an actor who looked like Fred Trump.  Or maybe it’s just a coincidence, neither of these scams are particularly brilliant or complicated.  

The guy has, for 40 years, whined that he wasn’t indicted for Watergate because he stans Nixon so hard.  Then he got indicted and suddenly it’s a tremendous hardship.  Like, wow, that monkey’s paw sure didn’t grant your wish the way it always does, did it?  

Roger Stone acts like a person who’s missing a pre-frontal cortex.  And then you see his skull and realize “Oh, he doesn’t have anywhere to put a pre-frontal cortex anyway.”