I wish that my Insurance Company had my best interests in mind in the event of a wreck, as opposed to trying to pay me the least amount of money legally possible.

Movie Shifting - So every time you grab another gear, you instantly accelerate 20-30 mph.

Johnson: Would you like to see Sunderland?

Ask and you shall receive.

meconium poop has to be some sort of cosmic joke. That is by far the worst poop in existence and it only happens to day old babies

I see your Ford Lightning and raise you one GMC Syclone:

The charging cable thing is especially annoying, considering over the time that Apple had their 30-pin connector, Samsung changed theirs, what, 11 18 times?

Juke-R

Big deal, I took my FWD Passat out in the snow just this morning. Didn't even get stuck.

Mr. Wastegate better fix the wiring on his OMGRALLYBRO lights before the obligatory conflagration.

But since you probably won't reach 125,000 miles in five years, consider the 75,000-mile plan: it's just $2,989.

No kidding. My 06 Jeep LJ managed 19 on the highway (on a good day - 16 with some wind) and about 11 in town. My 01 LX470 manages a best case of 16 on the highway (normally 13-14) and "Oh God is it really time to fill up again?" in town.

I know what they say about not judging a book by its cover ... but have you ever seen a photo that didn't make FIFA look like a bunch of fucking Bond villains?

Actually, it's a great reason.

His subtle, calm, old-man jog celebration at the end is really the best: "Can't exert myself too much. I have to play bocce and drink Chianti in the park after this."