Just out of frame: Fleet of 75 idling tow trucks.

Ah, I was gonna guess he just got off the nightly phonecall with Hannity.

That’s probably a high rating for a towing company.

You shouldn’t question people you don’t like? Solid logic there.  For that matter, question nothing anyone tells you, because they’re right and you’re wrong.

Put a piece of electrical tape over it.  Y’know, like how you fix the check engine light.

Find me a carpool buddy who doesn’t talk, doesn’t mind the odor of flatulence, enjoys my podcast collection and is invisible, and you’re on.

I worked in retail when the iMac came out, and I’ll be damned if everything from hardware to housewares was soon flooded with translucent plastic.

You know that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach right after you rear-end a cop while driving your dad’s new car?  It’s like that.  Times eighteen million.  Dollars.

It’s the Russians.

Well at least she didn’t try to drive on the footbridge next to the road bridge. Yeah, I’m a glass-half-full kinda guy.

—Witty response with photo that wouldn’t show the hell up—

I think Russia invented eleven.

Ok, that took me a minute.  Well done.

Nailed it.

It’s a VW, so of course it’s hellaflush. Yo.

He wants to be appointed to the highest court in the country, yet he thinks the calendar scribblings of a douchebro teen are “evidence.”

Airplane, Caddyshack, aw, shit... I’d be passed out drunk by then.

Star times a million. My company used to allow business class for flights over 8 hours. Then we went full corporate, and while business is technically allowed for flights over 8 hours, it is strongly discouraged.

If she was driving an IROC Z she would have said, “Take off that gun and that badge and we’ll see what’s up.”