May looks exactly like Michael McKean.

I believe that phrase is trademarked.

I am incapable of creating small humans, so I have to live out my hopes and dreams thru my cats. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get them to stick to their professional cycling training regimen?

There are few things in this world that are less Jalop than a vehicle air freshener.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: “The Gimp” from Pulp Fiction. How awesome would that be? The jokes write themselves...

Step 1: Don’t do a race involving incredible amounts of money in a area of an already-impoverished country that has a known tendency towards violent crime

Funny thing is a half an Alfa is exactly 100% reliable as a whole Alfa.

So I was way off:

I was supposed to go to the Registry (I believe the rest of the US calls it the DMV?) today to register my trailer. I guess I’ll just go to some townie pizza joint instead. Legit.

+1

Can you schmucks send him a Jalop t-shirt and give him the Jalopnik bump for his next show?

Get Kushner, the human turnip, on this right away. He’s doing everything else for Daddy Warbucks...

‘Twas a Segway...

I have a bone to pick with the bicycles. All of these kids ride Stingray-styled banana seat bikes. In the 80's, your sister rode a banana seat bike. YOU rode a BMX with plastic wheels because you’re a dude. If you were REALLY cool (and your parents had money), you rode a GT, a Redline or a Haro, replete with trick…

I hated the kid next door, then he got a stunt cycle. Then we somehow became best friends.

No sign of Celebrity Brain Crash, the Jar Jar Binks of GT.

I got one for ya: All cars bark their tires when they set off. Even if the scene is just grandma going for groceries, the tires bark. I guess it’s just to let the viewer know the vehicle is in motion. If you see someone bark their tires in normal traffic, you think, “What an asshole.” And any cop thinks, “erratic…

Woohoo! I made the team! Now I’m a famous internet person!

A big ol’ V8 with an open exhaust and remote start.