Nobody actually pays for first class out of pocket. They are either enjoying an elite upgrade or their employer is footing the bill.

You could draw some similarities to football. Buddy Ryan develops the 46 defense. Offenses move to more short passing, less play action. And so on. And it only took 5-10 years! At the rate baseball strategy evolves, I anticipate teams effectively game planning against the shift in...30 years or so.

*reads blog*

I apologize for us being healthy, I apologize for us playing who was in front of us. I apologize for all the accolades we received as a team and individually. I’m very, truly sorry, and we’ll rectify that situation this year.

Irony is calling someone out for arrogance while purporting to speak on behalf of the person’s dead grandfather...

You’ll cancel season tickets because of a net, and you’re talking about over-reactions?

The day they take nets down to the foul pole is the day I cancel season tickets. America loves to overreact.

All three of his home runs went to rightfield, the shortest of which traveled 366 feet (longest was 392 feet!). A quick perusal of rightfield fence distances shows 366 feet is a home run in every other major league ballpark except Mile High Stadium, where the ball would have traveled farther in the thin air to get to…

Worth it!

What treatment do you recommend the doctor administer to the dead woman?

I spent 30 minutes in line at a street festival in 70 degree weather to pay $8 for an award winning tamale yesterday and got a little sunburned, so I know how they feel.

I don’t know if it’s a directive from the editor, or just a case of colleagues adopting each other’s literary styles, but the constant “dunked his soul to hell” and “smacked the ball to the goddamned moon” shit is fucking exhausting and not remotely funny anymore.

Seems like they could be highlighting Machado a little more and this preening douche a little less if they’re really so determined to shore up the entire-offseason “throw money at these guys or you’re colluding against them” work they were doing on behalf of the agents

This is definitely the second-worst televised “fuck you” San Diego has ever witnessed.

WAHHHHHHHH MY BEDTIME STORY WAS NOT TO MY LIKING WAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WAHHHHHH I COULD WRITE A BETTER ONE

I WON’T

BUT HEAR ME OUT: I COULD

Fellow Bears fans watching him burn over and over and over

Not to get all serious in a Funbag comment section, but when reading the letter from the soon-to-be-father: the reality is that the world is better today than it ever has been before. Not a little better, either; it’s a hugely, wildly, amazingly better place than it has ever been before.

Dead? No, he’s not dead. See?

And in all that time, how often has a fan been killed by a ball that stayed in the field of play?

Yup, In Utah if you don’t yield to faster moving traffic REGARDLESS of speed limit its a primary offense.  They were doing a big pullover sting last year to help people understand the law.