She’s come too far to turn back now.

She-sounds like-a nice-girl. I'm-happy for-them.

“LOL these texts suck!” said thousands of people gleefully creeping on someone’s private texts.

OH GREAT, another berth. Just what the Rivers household needs!

This doubles as a conspiracy theory. Peppermint Bark poisoning...

Very understandable. In all likelihood Drew himself will describe what happened when he comes back. Probably in uncomfortable levels of detail.

I only know one thing for certain: the speculation will be worse than the reality.

What happened?  I am asking as a concerned reader and not because I have Photoshop ideas.

jets fans worldwide are just excited to be included in the same sentence as “16-0"

Map of Americans who thought it was a 1st down:

Sir, this is an Arby’s drive-through.

I have friends who have daughters. Once the older one (14) told the middle one (9) that “gullible” meant “really smart and cool.” For upwards of a year she would call her little sister “gullible” frequently, which always brought a smile to the younger girl’s face, but little else.

Barack Obama: got himself elected President. TWICE.

Chill, child.

Former President Doesn’t Get It; Wet Behind The Ears Child Blogger Gets Everything

Yeah what the fuck Deadspin. Another excellent take. Tune in tomorrow for a screeching article about the horrors of the NFL due to player injuries, though.

Machado’s choice to keep up these antics during a contract year makes it difficult to support him. You can’t be messing up your money this late into the season.

Jesús is now on the 3-day disabled list.

Way to fuck up the Browns draft position, Mayfield.

Fuck it, just trade him to the Patriots for a conditional 2023 6th round pick and get it over with.