“Work portfolios”

So you’re cool with an officer who has probably handed out thousands and thousands in tickets to people for doing the exact same thing? Depending on how fast they got up to, it’s straight to jail for you or me and at least a $1k fine. No, fuck that cop and I’m glad he was caught. Should never be allowed behind the…

What...the...everlasting...f*** is wrong with people?

If Obama had ever said anything remotely like “Take the guns first, go through due process second,” there would be flaming barricades going up on every street corner in Texas and Georgia.

“We need armed guards at schools!”

IF SOME OF THE KIDS IN THE SCHOOL HAD GUNS THEY COULD’VE STOPPED THE TEACHER BEFORE HE COULD EVEN ENTER THE CLASSROOM!!!!

BUT IF ALL THE OTHER TEACHERS HAD GUNS THEY COULD SQUAD UP AND STORM THE CLASSROOM WITH THE BAD TEACHER IN IT RAINBOW SIX STYLE.

Punching out a window is pretty impressive.

What if he did?

Uh, I believe you mean New York’s best baseball player, and superb athlete who can dunk a basketball on a 15' rim and once actually threw a football over a stadium.

“Cadet Bone Spur”

“I really believe I’d run in there even if I didn’t have a weapon.”

“Chat with Oldsmobile Specialist”

The GOP has now become the Grand Old Participation-Trophy Party.

“May the wind be at your back, may your raw fish be wrapped in rice, and may all your transmissions be as light-action as Shift Bae’s bus tranny.”

The Fancy Kristen shift.

True story: My old high school got sued for violating separation of church and state. They dug their heels in and decided to fight it, up to the point when their insurance company said if you lose, we aren’t paying the damages. They stopped that day.

Even Mike Pence had to sit down in the middle of that singing of the anthem.

<shakes snowshovel at sky!>