I always thought that counseling was where a professional helped you work through your problems. Not some smug old lady draped in crosses yelling that some invisible ghost wants you to do what she tells you to do.

I'd be impressed if she "worked really hard" to do something valuable, like changing public policy, advancing science, or alleviating suffering, instead of improving the way she appears.

This restores my faith in humanity.

I've been married 25 years. It's not the sex. It's much deeper, and more difficult to maintain. Mutual respect, accepting flaws, and above all communicating. At least, that's my experience.

If that's what marriage requires, I say let that motherfucker die.

Always. Troll.

Her ass looks much better naked.

OK. I'll say it. I have friends that have become mothers, and that's all they talk about. It consumes their lives. I used to like going out or having lunch with them, but not any more. I don't want to hear about breast pumps and baby vomit. I just don't.

I have to put down two dogs. Absolutely heart wrenching decision, but when they stopped wagging their tails, they told me they were ready. And I let them go.

I must be a really shitty excuse for a woman, but I just really don't give a rat's ass. It's a dress. Big fucking deal.

Ugh. Why are some men so enamoured with their own crotches?

If you're going to define it that way, I have no choice but to be a gynecist.

Kind of looks like her nose got a little work too. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I really don't like weddings. Destination, local or otherwise. That makes it easy for me to decline any invitation. Of course, I don't say that I'm not coming to your wedding because I think it's indulgent and insipid. I just say that I can't make it.

Generally speaking, you can consent to battery. Otherwise, professional boxing would be a felony. As would football, and a variety of other human endeavors.

How come the party of war most often exhibit a complete lack of understanding as to what war is, exactly?

Fer fuck's sake.

Right to work is actually quite different. Right to work means that if your job site is union, you can't be required to join the union. You still get the benefits of the union contract (pay, benefits, etc), but you don't have to pay the union to get those things for you. In other words, leeching.

Lawyer here. Believe me, nothing is as exciting as the practice of law on TV. The actual practice of law, and law school, are exercises in prolonged drudgery interrupted by brief moments of intense panic.

I wish I had a handy reference list of all man repellents. That way I could make sure I always had a suitable inventory of things that send the message I want to send. "Leave me the fuck alone."