I remember waiting for my mom at the bottom of a slide at Action Park, and when she hit the pool, her tits flew out.  So, my scars were only emotional.

“Listen, for the amount of money I send to the alumni association, YA DAMN RIGHT I AM WRITING PAT’S POST-GAME SCRIPTS! Now, let me tell you about the dinner I had last night with Magic & Charles.” - Wilbon

Please tell me he is married to Gerald Fitzpatrick.

Lets just classify the joke as a Swiss Miss

The Swiss Army spokesman continued, “We are unsure of why Mr. Schurter decided to protest in this way, when he obviously had so many other tools at his disposal to do so.” 

“I did that bad thing, so what?” has been the mantra this shitstain has lived his entire life by and not one single fucking person in a position of power ever stood up to him and said “It’s illegal, that’s what” and held him accountable.

I love how he does the Jack Nicholson part even though nobody is doing the Tom Cruise part.

SoCo tells BoJo his plan is a NoGo.

Isn’t that just a Philly cheesesteak with fries in it?

It’s a damn shame the name of this trick play is not “Holy Pitt!”

The bad news....Dennis Smith can’t shoot for shit but on the positive side, lots of offensive rebound opportunities for Mitchell Robinson !

Apparently he can only shoot when no one is watching, which makes him perfect for the Knicks

Today I learned: Sáček is the Czech equivalent of Sanchez.

Iiiiiiiiiiiiin West Philadelphia

Welcome to America in 2019, where Arians claim to be helping a Gay but really just want to set them further back.

Thought most guys like Brown are on to Cincinnati

Once again, a soccer story that ends with no scoring.

Sure, he has to retract his misuse of ‘concussion’ and ‘nerve damage’, but no one says a thing to the Lions about their use of ‘NFL Franchise’

“This young Guerrero Jr. is a star in the making, and Canadians have adopted them as their own. I propose we find an appropriate way to honor him, and I have a few ideas.”

Really starting to get sick of the Paul Verhoeven movie we’re currently living in. Can’t we at least switch directors for the sequel?