Cause it’s pretty rude to tell a guy “Hey man, I know you moved here from Venezuela at 16 and have been a part of this organization for seven years and living in New York as a Met for the past three, but you’re going to fucking Milwaukee, and oh by the way you get to process these feelings in front of 40,000 fans and…

Minnesota and the hunting and fishing community are pretty damn prideful of the fact that they’re one of the leading elements of CONSERVATION (capslocked because this is an important distinction) and wildlife sustainability. The walleye season may be cut short this year because of concerns that letting it go normally…

If he’s not self-medicating with drugs and alcohol to deal with recurring physical pain or the intense emotional pressures of The Game, is he intense enough for the NFL? Sounds to me like he might not be playing hard enough.

And those players would be Taylor Lewan and Zach Mettenberger.

We may be eaten by a grue.

Passing into seams can melt Superbowl dreams.

“He didn’t even kind of rape someone at a party once? It sounds like he might be ill-prepared for the NFL. Luckily, we have plenty of players who can mentor him.”

“I mean, c’mon, think about it, Mark. That’s why we call them false flags.”

He’s nowhere near the most dangerous game. He literally hired guides to lure the lion out of the park and didn’t even succeed at killing the lion at first shot. He “hunted” the lion for 40 more hours before he was taken out of his misery with a gun. He’s not even a good poacher. I’d say hunter but he doesn’t hunt. He…

Playboy bunny is probably up there.

“In what order do you shave your face? I do: (1) neck, (2) right cheek, (3) left cheek, (4) mustache, and (5) chin.”

Time off to smoke weed and do yoga did not hurt Rickey Williams, except in the eyes of the Colin Cowherds and Mike Francescas of the world...

Are you insane?

I mean Paul Wellstone and Al Franken both came from MN. Mark Dayton is liberal as hell. The only Muslim member of US Congress (Ellison) is from MN. And the people there tend to be center-to-left-to-leave-me-the-hell-alone-please.

Seriously? Forsaking Rocky and Bullwinkle?! No doubt about it. You've got to get another hat.

He won $1 million in a slot machine and sent the money back to support people in the Sudan. I saw him late in life walking with a cane and hanging out with Dikembe Mutombo, who was paying for his treatments. I shook Manute’s hand and said, “Of all the people hear, you are the genuine hero.” He and Dikembe thanked me.…

This is someone to root for, as Manute was one of the nicest men in the NBA and a classy guy.

I like that I don’t have to pump my gas. I get to feel like a king for $0.20 less a gallon than in my native state.
YES, FILL MY TANK! FILL IT ALL THE WAY!!!

These massive block quotes of what he said are completely out of context.

We ran Rex Ryan out of town, then gave him a eulogy fit for Bill Walsh after he was fired.