23rd birthday, a pitcher of beer and god-only-knows-how-many shots into the night, i flop into a booth and proceed to projectile spew all over the occupants of the table. turns out they were the band that night.

but it's cool. they were a shitty Tool cover band and probably deserved it.

On my 21st birthday I was bar-hopping in Austin, and I ended up at this bar where, when it's your birthday, they fill a pie tin with whipped cream, and put it in a girl's lap. She sits up on the bar, and you're supposed to eat the whipped cream out of the pie tin.

The power of rice compels you!

From the desk behind us, Tom Ley stares.

Yuengling comes pre-ruined from the brewery, so this makes no sense.

Counterpoint: True.

Yeungling sucks Schlitz's gusto-filled balls.

She does but alas uses Eau de Poisson body wash.

What's worse? The joke or the fact that I had to reread the headline to get it. I suck. +1 you magnificent bastard.

Strange, usually testing their piss is more accurate.

Are they trying to perpetuate the abuse? I can't think of a worse way to deal with AP than to make it clear that you'll change your mind at the flick of a switch.

I've never had foie gras before...what does it taste like?

Picking up my ex-boyfriend from the gym and watching him crack open a can of tuna and start eating it, plain, in the passenger seat. The entire can. Ewww.

What has always cracked me up about that deer video is that the dog had absolutely nothing to do with the whole situation. He was just sitting in the street, minding his own business while that diabolical cat provoked the whole thing.

I thought the same thing. Call me a soft dog lover but I felt so bad for the dog.

Can't be Sys Admin...

FIFA watchdog? Cayman Islands Anti-Corruption Law? This whole article is paradoxes.

The most Swiss thing I've ever seen was - no shit - a two year old sitting up in a highchair with a white linen napkin tucked into his neck, using a proper knife and fork to neatly eat his food.

I tell Mr. DiscoBall to take mine off before he thinks it's done, because I like mine barely legally rare, whereas he likes his medium rare. He always panics, worries that it's going to be "raw" and I wind up with medium rare. Every.fucking.time!

My ex couldn't grill a steak to save his damn life. They were overcooked EVERY. DAMN. TIME. I wanted to rip the grill out of his damn hands. Me, on the other hand? Medium rare to medium. Granted, I use a cast iron skillet in the oven, but I can't have a grill in my apartment :(