THANKS, MOM.

I am a huge fan of getting dumb tattoos, just get them done by *PROFESSIONALS*.

I waited till I was 50 to get a tattoo. I knew no matter what it was I wouldn't live long enough to regret it! And I never have. I now have three. My next tattoo will be my husband's name. After 35 years, I think it's safe to do!!! But you kids, don't ever tattoo a name on your ass. OK?

I have a tattoo in Arabic on my left hip. One day I was at the beach and this rando interurupts me reading...

Oh, man. I knew a girl who came over all excited to show us her new tattoo. She proudly raised her shirt, pushed down her waistband, and displayed the "Sexy Bicth" permanently written on her hip.

On my first day of living in LA, my pals decided we should all get tattoos to celebrate our move. I really had no desire, but figured if I got *something* it would force me to make enough money to eventually have it removed. I wasn't even drunk - that was just my normal reasoning. Anyway, it was this super shady…

My best friend dated a tattoo artist who did some of her tatts. Her new boyfriend pointed out recently that one of the petals in the huge roses that decorate her upper thigh has a penis petal. And it's one of those things that once you see it, it can't be unseen.

It's still better than any of the tattoos that the kids from One Direction have. :-/

DID SHE APPROVE THIS FUCKING BEIGE MONSTROSITY SHE MADE ME WEAR TO MY OWN FUCKING BIRTHDAY PARTY WHERE SHE FUCKING HAND HUGGED ME? DID SHE? I AM ON THE A-LIST, YOU MONSTER! HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT? YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN WILLOW PAPE! YOU ARE NOTHING, KIM! NOTHING!

• I think she certainly did contribute. This game is true to her life. I played this game. I made a socialite friend [Kim] who put me on. Had to get nude for one of my earlier shoots. I beef with a blond socialite. Oh and one of my first boyfriends was a black athlete. Now, after several photoshoots I'm an A list…

Oh, I thought the answer was going to be murder.

My husband likes his fries (and chicken nuggets (yes I know they're disgusting but whaddyagonnado, he likes his nuggets)) with lots of salt, and one time after he requested salt packets from the kid at the drive through window the kid hesitated and said "you know, that's not really good for you..." I was like you just…

"She's great, but she'd be a little lower on the totem pole if it weren't for hooking up with him."

Not dumbest customer - but I nominate my 16 year old self for dumbest server award. While working at a somehow popular/hated/frequently bankrupt North Eastern ice cream/food chain in New York I had a customer ask me "Y'all got grits here?".

Medium well Filet Mignon?! fucking animal

I remember not knowing what cauliflower was. It was served in a veggie dish and I was like "what the hell??" because my family never served it.

I had just had a miscarriage 2 weeks earlier, and we were ready to put it behind us and get me pregnant again. Neither of us were particularly in the mood, but I was ovulating, so it needed doing. It was the worst sex ever, including me kneeing him in the balls, "ouch, you're on my hair", and a strange booger in my…

Did, I mention that I'm in remission!? :D

Leavenworth is pretty awesome even without the drugs. There's a wine-tasting room literally every 10 feet.