It's still better than any of the tattoos that the kids from One Direction have. :-/

DID SHE APPROVE THIS FUCKING BEIGE MONSTROSITY SHE MADE ME WEAR TO MY OWN FUCKING BIRTHDAY PARTY WHERE SHE FUCKING HAND HUGGED ME? DID SHE? I AM ON THE A-LIST, YOU MONSTER! HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT? YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN WILLOW PAPE! YOU ARE NOTHING, KIM! NOTHING!

• I think she certainly did contribute. This game is true to her life. I played this game. I made a socialite friend [Kim] who put me on. Had to get nude for one of my earlier shoots. I beef with a blond socialite. Oh and one of my first boyfriends was a black athlete. Now, after several photoshoots I'm an A list…

Oh, I thought the answer was going to be murder.

My husband likes his fries (and chicken nuggets (yes I know they're disgusting but whaddyagonnado, he likes his nuggets)) with lots of salt, and one time after he requested salt packets from the kid at the drive through window the kid hesitated and said "you know, that's not really good for you..." I was like you just…

"She's great, but she'd be a little lower on the totem pole if it weren't for hooking up with him."

Not dumbest customer - but I nominate my 16 year old self for dumbest server award. While working at a somehow popular/hated/frequently bankrupt North Eastern ice cream/food chain in New York I had a customer ask me "Y'all got grits here?".

Medium well Filet Mignon?! fucking animal

I remember not knowing what cauliflower was. It was served in a veggie dish and I was like "what the hell??" because my family never served it.

The last story reminds me of the time I was a senior in high school and had my boyfriend over. My mom was out with her friends so I mean, obviously we were trying to get it on. Then my mom comes home wasted and decides it's a good time for mother/daughter bonding...while my boyfriend is hiding under my bed so we don't…

Early on in my last relationship I discovered my boyfriend liked to have his nipples touched. One night we were getting going in the dark and I felt around for his right nipple. He sort of stiffened and I thought maybe I wasn't making the sort of contact he liked so I whispered something like 'tell me what you like'…

While this didn't happen during sex, it was close enough. I had been hooking up with this guy I met on Tinder for a couple weeks, and had gone over to his house for obvious reasons. We ended up getting shitfaced drunk, having sex, and then having a weird almost-fight, but since it was late and I was already…

I had just had a miscarriage 2 weeks earlier, and we were ready to put it behind us and get me pregnant again. Neither of us were particularly in the mood, but I was ovulating, so it needed doing. It was the worst sex ever, including me kneeing him in the balls, "ouch, you're on my hair", and a strange booger in my…

A pre-coital reveal that she was on her period, which I was drunk enough to say "DON'T CARE"

Another movie theater story. It's very embarrassing, but here goes . . . it was during an early showing of the latest Captain America movie. The movie was on it's last run, so there was only about 6 other people in the theater. Anyhoo, was all by myself so played pet the pussy cat.

I've had "meh" but nothing that would stand a chance of winning the Pissing Contest. That said:

This is him today (we did have to remove both eyes):

Did, I mention that I'm in remission!? :D

Leavenworth is pretty awesome even without the drugs. There's a wine-tasting room literally every 10 feet.