“an overwhelming fuckton of offenders are men”

Eli your owner and I, we love you very much. We love your throws. The way you do a quarterback. This is not your fault. When the Ownership’s new boyfriend Chad moves in, treat him like you would me. Chad is your new father now, Eli. You can visit me every other weekend.

Not pictured: the woman’s evidently MASSIVE vagina.

So if Money Manziel got a concussion, snuck to vegas wore a disguise of a blonde wig and glasses and possibly a mustache and then he geotagged a photo of him and his dog in his apartment, I think I kind of respect it. I mean it’s some next level deception.

Everything he did after his series of still photographs is garbage.

OK - he is a bigger dumbass than I thought.

as a woman, I now have to admit that I am truly scared of their bullpen. #AroldisChapman

She didn’t understand that there was another way. If they would just move to a $150,000 house and downgrade her car to a Honda Civic, she probably could stay home!

he must get a new wart with every victim he rapes.

Did your space bar go on strike?

SO are we just gonna ignore this?!

Tim Robinson.

James Thrash is the Freddie Mitchell of retired WRs.

Jerry Jones has now entered trade talks with the Reds.

Dude, the guy was making a joke. Be more oblivious

Is this the same dad from this article from yesterday? WE NEED TO KNOW.

HOW TO DATE WHITE WOMEN

I'm guessing he was probably trying to watch a soccer game.

What they don’t mention is that the opposing teams all recently pulled their first strings.