Only a gold? I got a triple platinum medal in cheeseburger and a double double diamond lasagna because I am multiculturalist.

Because … Trump-face.

Oh my god why do I keep punishing myself by going down this thread-of-horrors!?

Don’t sweat it Donald, they sent me a letter asking that I please stop having mind blowing sex with every single cheerleader and also I have gold medals in freedom and cheeseburger. Also I wrote every song on Revolver and was the star of Casablanca.

and make this face a lot, don’t forget the face.

Dude, you’re a fucking idiot.

Did Obama fuck your mom in the ass and then wipe his dick off in her hair? Because that might account for your comment.

On behalf of the sleazy punks, fuck you.

Oh you are so funny. Moron.

lol it's been 8 years, buddy and nothing he's done would garner any of those titles.

Dude, you forget to use “Obummer”. I know it’s getting near the end of his second term and he still hasn’t shown up to take all your guns, but please, try to stay on message.

Wow. You’re clever.

I was starting to expect Macaroni Grill at the end of that list

Holy crap, that has to be the worst set of Cleveland recommendations I could imagine. East 4th, The Flats, then Christies and maybe Bugsy’s just so you can get shot. In any order will result in a quality BP.

Apples and oranges, old chum. Apples and bananas.

The remaining holdouts are going to be just as statistically insignificant as the PUMAs for McCain in 2008. There are bitter cranks in every election and it’s a little silly we’re hyperventilating about them so much this time around.

I don't think Bernie can take credit for progressives hating Hillary. That kind of goes with being progressive.

I want Bernie and Killer Mike to ride off into the sunset together, touring America and having wacky adventures.

A mayonnaise sandwich on white bread is more interesting than this guy.

However, she is not Trump, who wants to create a police state to continue to profile and brutalize my people, and he is not Pence, who wants to control every aspect of my uterus and keep teh gays in the closet.

So, I’ll hand them my vote in November…

Why?