I only play football when I've been drinking. 

Yeah, I was married once too...

he was arrested last October and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon

“! Period!” is a pretty damn confusing string of text.

Lol, poor you

Wrestling coach here. I am tired of hearing the same thing from my fellow coaches and wrestling parents: “Wrestling toughens these kids up”; “I made my kid wrestle to build character!”; “I signed my son up to wrestle to make him tough!”

Who does Oliver think he's dealing with, Minor Peargray?

6/ Must produce quality tweets like this:

Maybe they’re cheapskates

Anyway, baseball needs heels

... but not while holding them down, or having others hold them down.

The Red Sox play tomorrow. 

I like that it looks like he’s being followed by the shadow of batman

Can’t wait to read about this in the Boston Two-Dimensional Disc Globe

I was sort of being a jokester as I think that’s the stupid sort of something Gronk would say rather than making a serious comment about the attractiveness of women in Detroit.

If only Timothy McVeigh were alive to see this.

I knew him well (hung).

One’s politics is intrinsically part of one’s humanity, you dumb fuck. The only people who can think of politics as some abstract concept are the people privileged enough not to have to worry about being actually impacted by politics. For many people, politics is a matter of life or death, but it obviously isn’t so…

What about letting the bats lick you?

Luke Heimlich: But I’m just a poor boy and nobody loves me.