Moving goalposts, nice.

perfect.

I would invite them and I would serve the following : great big carrots, suggestively shaped peaches, cucumbers (uncut, of course) Twinkies and every assorted novelty food item I could get my hands on. Of course, I would just as likely insert the "naughty" words into every sentence I possibly could and watch them all…

Every woman's dream - sharing a man with a bunch of other women and raising his children. Isn't that your normal instinct? I know I'd so much rather live on some weird harem compound sharing a guy who wears special jizz-pants at the strip club than in some normal one on one relationship with a regular guy....oh, I'm…

OMG THE STEALTH PACK. http://www.liquidlapdance.com/collections/al…

Lap-dancing may be a form of erotic entertainment, but the boundaries and terms of the interaction are established (e.g. ripping off a girl's panties or trying to digitally penetrate her is not permissible). Deliberately stimulating yourself to orgasm violates these boundaries and is therefore not the same as…

Thank GOD they tested them on granny butts. I was worried there was no quality control going on.

I think arousal is expected. I think jizzing in your pants is a disgusting bridge too far.

OK, my only real problem with this product is that it creates an expectation of physical contact. I get the feeling that normally there is no physical contact in a lap dance, but this product is marketed in a way that suggests otherwise to guys. And that's bad. If a woman decides to grind on you entirely of her own…

I want to hear from an actual stripper/lap-dancer about this.

I laughed, then I realized that they probably consider it a man's right to masturbate on/to/at* any unwitting dancer. Then I did this:

haaaaah. ^5

I bet if you look on their site, they have something that you could barf in discretely. So, you know, no one would know.

"With Liquid Lapdance, you can relax and fully-enjoy the orgasm without worrying about minimizing or containing ejaculation as you might in regular underwear."

For what it's worth, I worked with someone in college who frequented strip clubs. He would always talk to me (in spite of frequent visual clues that I had no desire to be in a conversation with him) about how he would wear gym shorts style "pants" to the strip club because he could "feel" the lap dances more.

I thought latex was WORST. SUBSTANCE. EVER. Penis kryptonite, if you will. Or is that only when arguing about condoms?

I'm...confused. I think I need Hugo to explain to me if these are feminist or not.

No.

Will they be effective if worn backwards when you have diarrhea?

Isn't that unethical on some level to essentially masturbate on someone who is not being paid to have sex with you? It has to be, right? What happenedto going home and jerking off in the shower while rinsing off the Stench of Shame?