“I’m just being me.”

“Dear Ask A Clean Person:

Being on the subway with some convention-goers and people coming back from a protest was interesting, too. The entire train care stared silently at the delegates, who marked themselves with “W” regalia. Just stared as the convention-goers turned redder and redder. I mean, for multiple stops. Also, there were stickers…

I was visiting my cousin in South Carolina when she got a call about the rabbi of her Conservative synagogue. It’s hard to get a rabbi to take a position in South Carolina, so it was a big deal that he was resigning because he was leaving his wife of near fifty years. For another woman. Who was 35 years younger. And…

When I was in about 5th grade, prior to becoming the proud heathen I am today, I REALLY wanted to get perfect attendance for the year at Sunday School. If I did, I would get a bible with my name embossed on it in gold letters. All my Sunday School friends had gotten one the previous year. Coveting was in that year, so…

That reminds me of when the RNC was in NY. All these people with “W” hats were at various train stations, trying to figure out how to get to Central Park or wherever. I heard more than one person give them directions to Harlem and the South Bronx.

When I was about ten, my friend’s Catholic parents took us to see Jesus Christ Superstar at a dinner theater. After the show was over, we all walked out and saw Jesus and Judas, still mostly in costume, making out on the wraparound deck of the place while smoking a joint.

After a lifetime of Catholic school, I am full of these stories.

Just thought of one. My father has always had long hair and a beard. He’s also a baker who likes to make wine as a hobby. When I was very young I saw a statue of Jesus with bread and wine in church and loudly told my father. “Hey look dad they put a statue of you in here!” While pointing to Jesus.

My brother (Jewish) was dating a Catholic girl with a lovely and welcoming family. They invited him to Easter, where they customarily served ham. But they wanted to be accommodating to his beliefs (not that it matter because he was not observant and did not keep kosher, but they didn’t know that). So, when the whole…

So this is technically about my brother, but whatever.
My family used to be v Catholic and we’d go to church every Sunday. This is in Scotland, mind, so very austere, serious Catholicism was taking place.
Well, a little background, there’s this song that I guess is a football/rugby song “why are we waiting” and it’s…

This isn’t so much an intentional act of sacrilege, but more of my body saying no, you don’t belong in a house of God.

Not that this was at a sacred place, but I feel like it still fits.

Mentioning the 9/11 gift shop always makes me think of this.

My Jewish parents attended mass given at the Vatican by Pope John Paul II. I asked why, and my dad told me he was hungry and wanted the cracker.

I’m just going to say it. Last week’s parasol story should've been a winner.

i taught kindergarten. 30 students. me. no aide. all day. 15 minutes of recess, one time a day. so, on my first day of teaching kindergarten my 30 children had just been deserted by their teary parent(s) and had settled in on the group-time rug; in the midst of the touching tale of a raccoon mom & child and their…

This is about my twin sister. First day of school, she was in second grade. A boy named Ricky started picking on her. Pulling at her hair, slapping, kicking and terrorizing her. She was scared but nobody did anything. The teacher just told Ricky to stop it but he continued. He was big and an asshole. He grabbed her…

I used to teach elementary art in a really low-income school district near Denver. One student, Franklin, was a third-grader who was homeless and living in a car with his mother at the time. The district and social services were aware and helping as much as possible, but mom was hard to work with due to some ongoing…