Raise your hand if your Mom’s middle name is Ann, your sister’s is Marie, and yours is Elizabeth *raises hand*

Raise your hand if your middle name is Marie. *raises hand*

After my first boyfriend dumped me after 2 years, I was so distraught that my mother begged me to come home from college for the weekend. My parents were absolutely awesome but I was still a complete basket case.

Was planning on breaking up with a psycho, emotionally abusive high school boyfriend, and discussed it with a friend during lunch. Psycho evidently had spies, and confronted me two periods later in the halls with some unhinged screaming and the handing of a suicide note. I went promptly to the school nurse with said…

“My family has expectations for my wife” sounds like the shit Warner said to Elle in Legally Blonde. Please tell me this guy was as stupid too.

I’ve fantasized about doing stupid things, but never actually did them, so here’s a story of why dogs are the best: My last awful breakup (I was dumped by email, of course) I was looking after my sister’s dog. I cried hysterically in bed for about 5 minutes until the 130 pound dog latched onto my shoulder and…

I was wearing a red dress, perfect makeup and hair. I think the waiter was horrified at how big of a dick he was being. “My family has ... expectations...for my wife.” I kept my voice low and pleasant, never stopped smiling, and then let fly.

Apparently I’ve just been too nice, or just wanted to get the fuck away, so there are no spectacular break-up tales. Best I can do: At the tender age of 16, my high school love broke up with me in a heartless and shitty way, in front of people, right before Easter, for a mousy lame-ass trumpet playing girl. He was…

I bounced a bowl of fancy little French pickles off his forehead, one by one, and the waiter brought me a fresh bowl.

My ex thought it was a good idea to move to another state and hide from child support. Since he had such a consistent history of cheating I thought it would be easy to track him down on Craigslist’s Missed Connections. Someone had to know him because he had penis and it did wander. A lot. He also loved to make sure…

Someone else’s post unearthed this repressed memory: I was talking to an acquaintance who let slip that my ex had cheated on me fairly regularly. We’d been broken up for several months but he had outstanding warrants, so I called the county sheriff’s department with his location.

My college ex and I were obviously really terrible for each other but I was really unhappy and depressed at my school, I was having a difficult time adapting to college and being away from home so I couldn’t fathom being there without him. Anyway, one day we got into a really, really heated argument over lord knows…

Oh God, yes. I have been reading through these stories thinking “You mean everyone else didn’t just devolve into a sad sack of tears and hibernate for a few months? It’s just me?”

I dated a guy in law school who broke up with me, on Valentine’s Day, in a fancy French restaurant. Apparently he thought I would not make a scene in public. Apparently he had learned shit about me in that year we dated. I bounced a bowl of fancy little French pickles off his forehead, one by one, and the waiter…

Got dragged out of a bar by my friend after I got shitfaced and started crying uncontrollably. The cause- “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” came on and I JUST WANTED TO DANCE WITH SOMEBODY WHO LOVES ME.

Oh! This isn’t like a break up story but I stopped hanging out with my bff because he was into me like that and became pretty possessive.

Honestly the craziest thing I ever did was nothing.

I have a huge scary temper and about 5 years ago I caught my live-in boyfriend cheating. Like, affair cheating. And I did... nothing.

I was going through a very ugly divorce. My husband cheated multiple times and eventually moved out. While this was going on, I had to change the locks on the doors to my house due to a burglary, and didn’t tell him. One day, he stopped by to get something from the house and couldn’t get in. He flew into a rage and…

When I found out my long term boyfriend had a new girlfriend, while we were still living together, I walked to the nearest travel agent and booked a flight to Europe, got an express passport and then quit my job. I was outta there in under two weeks.

That was an absolutely terrible thing to do.