“HE was the one who decided what to draw, and he was not accustomed to clients telling HIM what to do.”

“Hey, I know you came in and wanted a cherry blossom tattoo to remember your dead mother, but as an Artiste, I decided to tattoo you with this color portrait of Alan Alda eating a pork chop. YOU ARE WELCOME TO…

My ex-husband insisted on one of these for his groom’s cake.

My nickname for my husband is Waffles, and his for me is Bunnie. (Or, to be more precise, Bonnie Bunnie Butt.) (Long story.) We had this made for our cake topper, and gave out tiny jars of “WaffleBunnie Hunnie” as favors.

I made our owl cake toppers out of modeling clay. The groom owl is holding a coffee mug.

Ours were lovebirds made from vintage paper. We got married at the Housing Works Bookstore, so the bookish paper tied in perfectly. Purchased on Etsy from trinketsbydana for $16.

The Monarch and Dr Mrs The Monarch bobble heads. They were so big they started sinking into the cake, but it was worth it.

We had these adorable bride and groom T-Rexes (atop a Mayan pyramid), basically just because we thought it would be hilarious. The purple veil matched my purple wedding dress. They’re fondant and were made for us by a friend who runs a cake baking business. The toppers were $25. For anyone who happens to reside in…

I like chickens...and glitter...and flowers

Why didn’t we think to do some kind of decoration for our non-cake dessert table? I would have done something silly like having figurines custom-made that depicted my husband and I as cats. Or maybe something with an old-timey radio or radio control board. We met and had our first kiss in our campus radio station. Or…

Etsy had a ton of adorable cake toppers like these but they were way over budget, so I bought the blank people from a craft store and painted them myself. I already had most of the paint so I think they cost about $10? I secretly hope if we ever have/adopt kids they’ll enjoy playing with these someday.

Otters!!! Who doesn’t love otters?

HYUK HYUK HYUK TOO FUNNY RIGHT LADIES!??!

My cake was amazeballs and had yeti dancing on a snowflake

Our cat children couldn’t be at our wedding, so they were on the cake topper with us!

My almost-mother-in-law is still peeved that we picked a funny photo of ourselves to head our wedding website (which is a *gasp* TUMBLR). So you know.

I read your last sentence with relief, because as I read your story, all I could think was, "Man, I hope she's not still married to that guy."

I can't believe I missed this. I have one of the best horrible honeymoon stories from my first wedding:

I broke up with Mr CunnyBird and we ended up getting back together and eventually getting married. But only because he hired this spell-caster dude. I'm trapped by the bounds of a dark magik. I hate to break it to you, but Missus Chritter probably has a voodoo doll of you tied up in chains hidden away somewhere. It's…

Anecdata time, eh? Well, missus chritter and I broke up and got back together probably half a dozen times over a decade before the penny dropped. I guess we had issues we had to work through, but finally we both got tired of the ridiculousness and realized we couldn't seem to stay apart, so why not really make it…