Except that Rachel has now driven Shawn into a lifetime of alcoholism and solitude. Damn the Rachels of the world.

My buddy had just come back from his second tour in Iraq. We were stuck in heavy traffic on a raised drawbridge, so to pass the time, I ate his asshole like a leap-year kid with a birthday cake BECAUSE I AM A FUCKING PATRIOT.

Stadium pricing is the worst. Plus they don't even tell you where the breasts are sourced.

I tried this at a Yankees game once, but found out that they don't let you bring your own bottles. And there was no way I was paying $12.00 for a bottle of breast milk inside.

And now her kid will forever know that she chose that over their safety. Idiot.

Ugh, who cares about some British socialite addicted to smack?

She was home alone with her baby when she decided that shooting heroin might be a good plan. No sympathy for her here. All the sympathy in the world for her family, but she failed as a mother and as a person when she made that choice.

Seriously, heroin's one of those drugs that it just seems to make sense never to even start. So many people seem to die of ODs.

In other breaking news: water is wet.

every reality show is scripted. they all have story producer credits. those are the writers. no reality shows are documentaries. they are not documenting reality. they are entertainment shows

I have a contact on facebook who has fully embodied the spirit and lifestyle of a Rastafarian (he's white of course). Mix in a bit of bipolar disorder and you have an absolute train-wreck of a man with a platform for easily, and very frequently, sharing his opinions. He also makes 'music'. As a result I've been…

Who the fuck cares to say happy birthday to casual acquaintances unless you are sad enough to want casual acquaintances wish you on your birthday.

Facebook still serves one purpose for me: to check in on my crazy fundamentalist Christian college classmate. Since we graduated he has done several wonderful things like writing his own Christian fiction (my favorite one is from the perspective of a true believer captured by Muslim terrorists coming to terms with the…

I am fortunate enough to be with a woman who is able to orgasm pretty rapidly (and no, she is a squirter so I am pretty sure she is not faking it).

As a final "fuck you" to the NBA, Sterling plans on dying tomorrow.

DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER!

This kind of language is not just insulting to women, but to men. They're basically equating men to children, who can't seem to grow up and be responsible for their own actions. Apparently any negative action by a man is always linked to a woman, because men have no common sense. SMDH

Big babies need attention too! Apparently even more than actual babies.

my mom knows a woman who thinks the same thing. she told my mom that she loves her children but her husband comes first and she lives first and foremost for him and that it's how things should be and that if more women remembered that the world would be a better place. she also plucked her eyebrows out and draws them…

Motion of the ocean > size of the waves = Tide goes in tide goes out. You can't explain that. BOOM! #oreillyied