Wow, super original comeback bro! I bet your very cute kid will grow up to be a really nice guy, talking shit about people who don't reproduce for their own personal reasons which you know NOTHING about. Thank heavens you procreated! What would the world do without you?

It was probably my defining moment as a socially awkward youth. I wasn't cool in high school, but I wasn't really picked on either. Luckily, for an outcast, I was pretty by then, which helped. I hate it when people say you shouldn't stand up to your bullies. Meekness does not defend against cruelty. And sometimes it…

I hope whoever adopts the dog will bring him for frequent visits, especially if this poor woman will soon be in hospice. If I were dying, I'd want that comfort so badly. What a selfless soul to do this for her best bud. Sniff.

I bitch slapped one of my bullies in the middle of the outdoor break area at junior high. She and some other girls had been bullying me for months and I'd just had enough of the knots in my stomach. The school couldn't or wouldn't do much. So during a taunt I just smacked her. It felt so fucking good. They more or…

My SIL is looking for a job now that both her kids are in school and she can't find anything beyond low-wage retail. She is now babysitting at her home for the money her family really needs, which thrusts her right back into the SAHM position she was in for 7 or so years. She sure wishes she'd kept her skills sharp…

Right? I got hit by older guys all the time when I was a teenager, and many of them were aggressive and seriously creepy. Franco, while clearly horny, was pretty nice about the whole thing when she didn't agree to the rendezvous. Also, I was 17 for most of my first year of college, where I was very much considered a…

Fortunately nobody was forced at gunpoint to leave with pint glass. And your approval, especially since you were not a guest at our wedding, doesn't mean much to me. My husband is really into beer, as are many of our friends, some of whom already have pint glasses from favorite breweries at home. The design I came up…

Friendly tip: Don't forget to buy a couple of extras for yourselves and your in-laws. They all wanted (and took!) more than two. We ended up with an odd three. Good luck with the planning and I'm sure your guests will dig them!

I just checked my records and it was Customzilla.com. With shipping, it worked out to about $6 per glass (it might be cheaper per unit if you buy in serious bulk; we had a small wedding). It was a bit more expensive than we'd initially budgeted, but because we were so sure they'd be a hit, we cut back slightly on a…

We gave customized pint glasses. The design was super simple/modern (a tree, our first names, the place, the year). We've been to a few of our guests' homes since our wedding and it delighted us to see the pint glasses in use. Even the non beer drinkers love them!

I remind the anti-vaxholes that polio workers in Pakistan are routinely murdered — 60 have been killed since 2012 — just for giving vaccines to poor children. They have to do it surrounded by armed guards because the Taliban doesn't believe in immunization. In my mind, the anti-vaccine folks are about as backwards as…

As a woman who used to write about music professionally, I totally get this. Truthfully, I always felt like a bit of a fraud because I wasn't in a band and didn't have an encyclopedic knowledge of all bands ever. The only time I truly enjoyed writing about the subject was in an online zine I co-published for a while…

I hate babies and kids so much I think it's hilarious when animals attack them. You genuinely think everyone who laughed at this particular situation is thinking that?

I used to housesit for a friend who had the meanest tom cat ever. I was terrified of him. Her house was a huge mess — she was an agoraphobic pat rack chain smoker — and the one time she asked me to feed him while she was out of town, I wrapped padding around my entire lower body because I could never see that bastard…

Someone watched too many Bill Cosby commercials as a kid.

My not wealthy, not famous physical therapist also had a preventative double mastectomy. Like Angelina, she was at a very high risk and after weighing the odds — how devastating cancer treatment would be to her career and young family, how expensive in terms of cost and time, and how high her risk for getting cancer…

Maybe she's like me. I can never breathe through my nose. If I had to keep my mouth shut at a photo shoot, I'd pass out from lack of oxygen. Or maybe her mouth pops open every time the lens clicks. My mom closes her eyes in every photo ever.

Prominent tattoos AND a pleasantly soft belly on the cover of Glamour? I just coughed up my pistachios. (Lena hater or lover, you gotta admit that's something.)

Both of them had questionable personalities, if that makes you feel any better. (Or worse, if you're a holy terror. ;-)

I kind of want yoga work pants because I gained weight recently and waistbands hurt. On the other hand, I work at home so I can just wear actual yoga pants and call them work yoga pants.