That man looks like a blonde Frank Sinatra in the top picture. I'd get a DNA test.

Anyone else think he looks a lot like Frank in that photo? I can see nothing if Woody in there.

Yes! When my work bff and I get sick we get the "Brenda Vaccaro for Playtex Tampons" Voice. So throaty!

Oh, I'm sorry... the card says "moops."

Homebrew is that lesbian from college who built the deck on her house and fosters German Shepherds.

Boxed wine is that really normal, somewhat boring, and really predictable guy you met in college - probably in an English or philosophy class - who you're really glad you stay in touch with every once in a while, but not too often.

Long Island Iced Teas are the gay friend who says they'll be your wingman for the night, then leaves you hugging a toilet while he hooks up with someone you thought you were flirting with.

Brandy is the old guy you secretly sleep with in your early to mid twenties (though he's always dozes off before penetration) because he buys you fancy dinners and talks about past decades in a way that makes you wish you could wear organdy and pull off those spidery late sixties eyelashes. But he's starting to get…

Jagermeister has a neck tattoo and is a part time roady for the Reverend Horton Heat, you hook up with him whenever hes in town.

Hard cider is your bisexual boyfriend who you get jealous of at parties

Ugh, grape culture. Amirite?

Sangria is the attractive sweet-smelling man you just met at the beach. Who also just roofied you.

Scotch:
Inexplicably attractive knowing how he'll treat you.

I have climbed that section of the Great Wall at Badaling, from Beijing, and I had enough trouble hauling myself up the foot-high forty-five-plus-degree steps up to the watchtower at the top of the hill, without having to carry some entitled little ass up there on my shoulders as well. Come on, Bieber. Mulan did not…

This photo reminds me of the skit where Dave Chappelle plays an over-indulged Puff Daddy. Not that Biebs is Diddy.

Holy shit: baby chicks have little bums. Did not know this and it seems like the cutest thing ever. But I just drank five Yukon Jacks so maybe not. But I'm pretty sure yes.

How, exactly, does something like this happen? One of these things is not like the others...

I suggest reading the Federalist Papers. Generally speaking, pay for legislators was implemented as an act of protection against only the very rich having the opportunity to represent the people. More simply - to not compensate or compensate too little for a full, full time job would be the fastest way to ensure…

God these assholes. But on the plus side, I think this happens tomorrow too:

"You are weak and soft and dressed like baby." Priceless!!