Same, except it was my arms. SO EXCITED RIGHT NOWWWWWWWWWW.

Oh, look! A raft of boilerplate jokes about how no one watches the WNBA.

This isn’t that, so.

Well, he’s no Kobe.

[is having okay evening]
[reads Vizzini’s comment]
Well, DAMMIT.

#TeamLlama4ever

Additional tag suggestions:

This is absurdly pithy. And correct.
+1 tragedy and/or farce

Seconded!

Plus, these sorts of stories have long been Deadspin’s bread-and-butter.

Hell hath no fury like a bro scorned.

There is actual sports news going on now.

working at Arby’s

That last graf was like

I’m just here to read how jubilated people are at someone losing [visibility, but not] their [entire] job because they [tacitly support racial discrimination and prejudice by supporting politicians who’ve made it the cornerstone of their campaigns and incumbency].

Somewhere pit-like and bottomless.

Also, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to punch Yoda in the face when I see him.

We can’t all be champions.

....literally.