Hey New Yorkers, come to the Bronx Zoo and you will finally have the unique opportunity to see a real live cockroach!

Someone’s not kept up with my erotic NFL Fan Fiction, and I bet they feel like a total loser now.

They did a “We Can Nazi Your Sign” joke last year?

“HELP!! I LIVE IN NEW JERSEY, FOR THE LOVE OF GAHHD HELP!!”

My snow day movie is John Carpenter’s The Thing.

Traveled.

or not assumed that they did not speak english...

In space, nobody can hear your snow shovel.

This guy, Macklemore? This is the kind of try-hard that I like.

How’d you fare in the Hackeysack Nationals?

Fertilizer can.

It was all fun and games until one of the kids challenged him to a game of “Pig.”

Why do you think we haven’t had a woman as president yet?” First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton asked her guest over their lunch at the White House in 1995.

Why is she touching a child that’s NOT HERS?

Undaunted, I knew the game was mine to win. Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me. I’m the man who has the ball; I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So, that is why I’m better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone. - Cam Powers

That last image is perfect.

GIT. YER. HANDS. OFFEN. THAT. KID.

He looks totally freaked out by her. Like that kid is uncomfortable as fuck. Poor thing, thinks he’s going to look at plants, has to talk to this lady who he doesn’t know instead, and there are cameras everywhere.