There are no Starbucks in Houston?

“We want the ball, and we’re gonna score!”

I feel so much better about my looks all of a sudden.

Curious: do bricks set off most government building metal detectors?

A train leaving Charleston southbound at 78 mph on the same track a northbound train that leaves Wheeling averaging a speed 0f 62…in what county does the son of a pair of siblings get named “Tucker”?

There are rules to laughing at cosplay?!

“That’ll be $32,000, please.”

Wow wow wee woah, yaz amash!

Man spreading really helps, but that got nixed, so oh well...[subtly, deftly readjusts][everyone notices anyway]

No Comedienne Barbie? Jeans, t-shirt, jacket, high tops, microphone, bar stool with a little glass of water on it...missed opportunity.

THIS IS DUMB AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO LISTEN ANYMORE

Here are the Cliff Notes for the too busy/lazy:

Well hello there yourself, you old flirt, you ;)

Whoa! High praise

Aww look at him playing Donner Party, trying to eat his feet.

How does she get through the day?

Now make ‘em kiss.

How are the commentariat’s snow dicks coming along out there? No snow where I live :(

She could’ve looked up “snow boot” on Google translate on her phone, or just shown someone an image. But broadcasting indignation is more satisfying, I guess.