And if I remember correctly, the cost Papa John Fuckface was talking about was 14 cents.

I think that shirt is just him embracing becoming Ted Mosby.

All of them. Anyone who has been around people who are succumbing to Alzheimer’s of the angry variety have seen this before.

“They are humiliated that they fell for his shtick, and suddenly, it’s rude to talk about politics, because they already get enough grief from their families about voting for the senile doofus currently squatting in the White House. Yeah, well, too bad - you vote for an obvious moron, you get treated like a moron.”

Hey, at least the aircraft carrier is providing a very welcoming and stable platform for landing consumer-grade drones!

Ha! I was going to suggest Illinois (my alma mater) for this feature but only as a complete joke. I guess others had that thought too, just with more follow-through.

YES.

I’m going to guess they’re going to trot out Mitch McConnell to say

“I’m terrified, I’m afraid you’re going to kill me, I really am, alright?” 

Oh, isn’t it interesting that all of a sudden he’s concerned about becoming the victim of police violence. I’d view that as a great irony if I could be persuaded to give a tiny little flying fuck about his future.

Yeah, my kids absolutely adored the movie (and I thought it was decent and enjoyable), and the show is astonishingly not horrible.

There’s a reason slippery slope arguments don’t work, though, and that can also be found online!

God forbid people should have to read to get some history instead of look at a dingy statue and therefore assume “well he was probably a great hero to our country”.

The second part I’ll respond to in a few days when the laughter dies down.

I know it’s weird, but bear with me - if you Google “American Civil War” or “Confederate States” or whatever today, even after statues are being removed, you still get the same results you did yesterday. Somehow, I assume through magic and the hopes and dreams of a million redneck cousinfuckers, history has not been…

Which is even more hilarious because they backed down on their Guam threat today, which if the Prez hadn’t embraced Nazis would probably have been viewed as a big win for him!

Yeah, Erika dodged a bullet here.

There’s a pretty easy metaphor here that he has no cover on or off the field.

CEOs be like

Shh...he’s still napping and we don’t want to wake him up because he’ll get all cranky.

“It’s a slippery slope once you start saying it’s okay to destroy art that offends.”

A curious statement here, since this Smart Car seems to have protected its driver from dying in a severe crash.