DISSENTING OPINION: I remain convinced Gaston is one of those dudes with a tragically enormous dick, who thinks that his huge schlong means he has to do zero work in the sack. He just bumps your cervix for five minutes then rolls over and congratulates himself for being such a superior cocksman.

"Someday my prince will cum."

The whole time we were working on this, I couldn't get this out of my head:

No one's slick as Gaston

You know soccer players love going down in the box.

Context? Dude, he's eating pussy!

Whatever i'm still waiting for the long curly black hair growing out of your chin that you don't notice for 6 months to come into style.

Vagina dentata?

Can we also talk about sexting, and what guys think turns a girl on? Like, 5 seconds in they're like "Then I'll cum on your face!" Wait, what just happened here? Are you going to tell me that you're going to roll over and fall asleep next?

I'm surprised more dating sites don't allow users to create custom word filters to block certain messages.

Oh my god, or even better: Act like your phone dies and then tell a dating "horror story" (those are common fare on first dates, I've found) about the guy who sent you a dick pic during the first date. I mean, gross, amirite?

I am fucking AMAZED by the guys that do this. I can't even wrap my head around it, it's like we're a fundamentally different species. My dick and I get along great and we have pretty high opinions of one another (well, I assume the well regard is reciprocated) but it has never once in my entire life occurred to me to…

Has a dick pic ever worked for anyone ever? "You have deplorable table manners, your stance on same sex marriage is alarming, and your relationship with your mother has a distinct Psycho vibe. However, your penis is pleasingly shaped and the crown has a certain joie de vivre. How soon can we marry?"

Sigh. This "it's not meant to be a career! Bootstraps!" bullshit again. The service sector makes up a huge percentage of the economy. Everybody can't get a good job because there aren't enough good jobs to go around. Even as more and more people are getting educations the number of good jobs is decreasing. The…

OH!! The Mom should get a job that PAYS MORE! God, why didn't SHE think of that?!

Other people have already made good points but I have to wonder, have you ever worked at a fast food place? You're on your feet the whole time, often without a break. The work is as repetitive as it can get, and someone is shouting an order in your ear while you're trying to assemble a different order in a matter of…

My kiddo is 11 and has been walking home (about a quarter mile) from school since she was 9. We gave her an old cell phone, instructions to text me when she left school and when she got home and role played what to do in dodgy situations (approached by a stranger, followed, etc.). It's been a big part of teaching her…

Soapbox time because it's a topic of interest to me: Is it any wonder when our general culture is bathed in fear and paranoia? Our media preaches fear in every shadow, our conversations revolve around how to mitigate against every possible bad situation, and we see every child as a potential victim of the boogeyman at…

Sure it is. My childhood was unsupervised. I was basically pushed out the door and told to be home when the street lights came on.

Of course it's okay. We're talking about a 9-year-old, not a 4-year-old.