Can I say I love this column? I love this column.

The thing I enjoyed most about this was all the Steven Seagal references.

Well it was dumb. I mean, empirically and demonstrably, Under Siege 1 was the far.... FAR.... superior of the two. Crazy Gary Busey before it was commonly known he is batshit insane? Tommy Lee Jones playing harmonica? AND using a psycho knife? That due from Star Trek?? Compare that with Under Siege 2.... first…

will never understand how a man can not like eating pussy. Does. not. compute.

I love random pop culture references. They make life worth living.

All these Phantom of the Opera names being used are giving me life.

"Also, little known straight male feminism fact: every time you eat pussy, Bella Abzug gets a high five from Jesus in Jewish Feminist Heaven, a place where future-era Steven Seagal may or may not one day dwell."

LOLLED

Also, from a purely self-interested hetero dude standpoint, BOY does it get you brownie points with your significant other.

I know I can't actually set that guy on fire with my mind, but I'm giving it a solid attempt right now.

Yeah, when I read that line, I thought "Fire is too good for him".

I just wanted to say that "every time you eat pussy, Bella Abzug gets a high five from Jesus in Jewish Feminist Heaven..." is the greatest thing I have read all week, maybe in my whole life, actually.

Every time you eat pussy, Bella Abzug gets a high five from Jesus in Jewish Feminist Heaven, a place where future-era Steven Seagal may or may not one day dwell.

Now I kind of want to visit Jewish Feminist Heaven.

I bet woman #1's problem is more with sex than alcohol. She sounds repressed, and like she carries a lot of shame about sex. But she likes sex and likes being free about sex. So she has to get drunk to be able to do what she wants to do anyway, deep down. I'm thinking conservative Christian upbringing.

The best part of this was the update. Hands down. They should get married.

I'll just leave this here http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/

"No martyr shit. You're not running for sainthood here. "
This needs to be my new daily mantra.

Well, I'm happy she doesn't want to stereotype, but I'm a black woman who loves all the things she said she loves. And I know other black people like me. So.... just wanted to put that out there. We aren't all the same :)

I usually don't like all the snarking on religion that sites like this tend to trade in, but I thought that line was funny and not malicious. I interpreted it as an honest encouragement to go to church if you are so inclined, but if you're not inclined, then maybe go to a fantasy tabletop gaming night or something.

I have nothing important to add except Sarah is right, that Chris Farley bio will definitely make you cry.